Thoughts of a Mood Swinger

New Year Post

2012-01-04T00:57:00.003-05:00

Why, hello again. Happy New Year!

As I am truly thankful for the year that has passed, I have a feeling that 2012 will be another year to enjoy tremendously. So, I am excited! This year I've decided to set aside the usual silly resolutions. Embarrassing as it sounds, my will power to keep them doesn't even last half the year. I've realized that hope and prayers are more powerful compared to silly old resolutions. If I may, I'd like to share my prayers for the year ahead.

In marriage, I pray for more guidance and blessings to keep our relationship strong. For more laughter to share, more smiles through the good times and mostly for courage and patience through challenges. I hope that we never stop acting like kids when we make each other laugh, and become adults when we really need to be. I'm thankful that the bana has been so helpful and understanding despite all kinds of crazy hormones that go through his wife. Hehee. We actually celebrated our first year anniversary last month and we are very happy that we survived in one piece. ;) Just last year, we started to pray together and I love how we have grown spiritually as a couple. I can't help but fall in love with you more and more each day, bey.

With family. I pray that our families, near and far, continue to be safe and healthy. I pray for our loved ones in the Philippines that they may continue to be protected from any kind of calamity. Hoping that in the near future we will finally get a chance to be reunited with them. This year, we will have another wedding for the family here in the US... proving that our little Texas family is becoming bigger and bigger by the year. :)

For friendship, old and new, I hope to share more experiences and keep the good old memories in my heart to last me a lifetime. To my friends back home, I miss you terribly but I'll see you soon! To my friends here, I am thankful I have you in my life.

This year will be filled with love, love, LOVE! I just know it! :) I am excited and will continue to pray for the Lord's guidance and blessing for all the plans, hopes and dreams. Because however we want our life to go, it will always be according to HIS plan. Let us be forever grateful. Happy 2012 Everyone! :)

Mommy Ness

2011-06-17T00:18:00.015-05:00

As requested, my colleague and I held a photo op for one of my very good friends on her nine months of being beautifully pregnant with her second child, Diego Xavier. It was my first attempt on manning an actual photo shoot and I'm proud to say it turned out very well. I was initially there as the fashion consultant, to fix the subject's hair when needed, or to just throw in ideas on what's good to catch on camera. As soon as I got to their lovely home, the creative juices started flowing. Here are some of the photos from my camera during the photo shoot for my wonderful friend, V.

The family in the new baby room, Mr. & Mrs. Martinez, and a lovely mother and son portrait.

She gave birth to a healthy baby boy on June 13, 2011 and he is just one of the most beautiful babies I've ever gotten the pleasure to hold after only being just a few hours old. You did exceptionally well, love. Your strength never ceases to inspire me. ♥ I miss you at the office and I'll see you when you get back from maternity leave, V! :)

Oh Colorado!

2011-06-08T23:05:00.011-05:00

Our trip to Colorado last April was a bit out of the ordinary for us. Compared to our other trips, the bana was not very excited for this one in particular. Maybe because he's not really used to us traveling with company and the weather was surely going to be very challenging too. We mainly wanted a chance to go snowboarding and to enjoy the beauty of "Colorful Colorado".

I originally planned this trip together with two of my closest friends from grade school, Charmaine and Lisette. It wouldn't have been possible without one of the main reason why I wanted us to visit CO in the first place, Ms. Janet Jackson in concert. When we found out she was performing in Denver, the trip was definitely on! All of us made the effort to touch base for weeks. We sent countless e-mails, text messages, we skype'd and called each other for days about the itinerary. Finally, flights were booked, the hotel reservation was confirmed, concert tickets were purchased and we were ready to go.

We arrived in Denver and stayed in the city the night of the concert. This gave us a chance to walk around downtown to catch up on some long overdue chit-chat and enjoy the numerous restaurants and stores all around the place. The next day, we drove to the mountains to stay at the ski resort in Copper Mountain where we woke up to beautiful snowy mornings everyday. Since the bana and I really wanted to go snowboarding, the whole group reserved one full day just for this outdoor activity. We had fun despite us constantly landing on our butts and falling face flat on the snow. Some of our friends may have cursed that day we took snowboarding lessons, but it was still a very fun experience (especially for Ian and I). It was just a shame that we didn't get to try skiing because our bodies were way too sore the day after. Not to mention lazy. :)

If anyone is planning a trip to CO, I would very much recommend the city of Breckenridge because it was so beautiful. It's like Aspen but not as expensive. The food was surprisingly very affordable and the portions were huge. I don't know why exactly but my appetite was doubled every time we went out or stayed in to eat... it must have been the high altitude or something (haha). I think out of all three girls in the group, I had the healthiest appetite. On our last day, we went to Breckenridge Peak 8 to enjoy a concert by Bob Marley & The Wailers. We had a blast grooving while snow was falling, listening to the awesome reggae music, drinking beer and smelling off the weed from the crowd (I'm hoping that was the medicinal kind. lol). I swear, those skiers and snowboarders really know how to party. :)

It was amazing how we did so much sightseeing around the cities of Breckenridge, Frisno and Colorado Springs. We had so many chances to enjoy the magnificent scenery of mountains, rivers and plains thanks to our awesome tour guides, Ed and Lisette. The trip was a success and all of us had so much fun, it was like a little SU High School reunion. We're going to try our best to plan trips like this and making it a tradition every year. Here's hoping. :)

♥,

z&i

Under The Texas Sun

2011-06-02T23:09:00.009-05:00

I've been here for years yet it has only been a matter of months for him. I'm glad that the bana is starting to like TX. The heat may be unbearable at times (that, coming from a sunblock addict) but this place is ideal for the ultimate sun lover. The city where we live in is very close to home. It's laid back, progressive, convenient to go around in, family close by, with affordable real estate and most importantly the beach is only an hour and a half away. When it's close to the end of the year, Winter Texans come down in our neck of the woods to enjoy the easy feel of the season. They find solace and warmth by driving down south. Since the bana got here in November, it was just in time for him to freeze his butt off. I call him "Winter Chinoy" and he hates it. Spring came and he has enjoyed the sun ever since, wait 'til he experiences the kind of summer he have. I wonder if it'll be a whole different story.

We've made it a point to go around the state as much as we can because there are so many awesome places to visit. So far, we've taken trips to Austin, San Antonio, SPI and Corpus Christi. Unfortunately, we did these trips around January/February. Knowing the bana and how he dreads the cold like the big old baby that he is, he wasn't a happy camper during those times but he was incredibly a good sport. We haven't covered even a quarter of the state's area yet but now that the bana finally got his driver's license, there will still be plenty of places to visit.

Note to self, make sure to schedule trips when it's warm and sunny out for the warm-blooded bana and ideal for traveling light. :)

♥,

z&i

Honeymoon-ish

2011-05-25T21:23:00.020-05:00

When planning trips, we make a point to decide on places where we haven't been to together, easy on the pocket and (MUST) have extraordinary food. One city we haven't been to but always wanted to visit was San Francisco. We've heard so many good things about the city that we couldn't pass off the chance to explore it. In the six years I have lived in the states, besides the frequent layover during trips to and from the Philippines, I have never gotten the chance to see what everyone was raving about. So, the bana and I then took the challenge to travel and explore the eccentric city of San Fran.

To start off, the delicious (and affordable) food was overwhelming. Let me just say, there wasn't much time for us to take food shots because we would attack our food faster than we could pull the camera out of the bag. We loved the food so much we made countless trips to Chinatown. Every chance we got, be it trips on the cable car or on our walks back to the hotel, if we could pass Chinatown there were no hesitations to make a quick stopover to grab a bite to eat. I guess it was the Asian in us that drew us to cheap delicious food and the laid back "tiangge" ambiance. LOL As diverse a city as SF, we were blown away on how delicious the food was in so many Asian restaurants. Probably one of the best place for Asian food in the country. I simply fell in love with this one quaint Thai restaurant called Bangkok, which was only a skip and a hop away from our hotel. I could've enjoyed a meal there everyday if it wasn't for the bana's constant gravitational pull towards Chinatown.

We stayed in Union Square which was the perfect location to go around famous tourist spots like Lombard Street, Fisherman's Wharf, Alcatraz, and the Golden Gate Bridge. Stepping out of our hotel to a cable car pick-up stop was very convenient for our itinerary. There was also easy access to cool stores on Powell and Market Street for shopping and more shopping, like I said... PUUUHR-FECT!

This lovely city was clearly one of the most tourist-friendly places we've ever been to and, to my surprise, it was very romantic too. Just the feel of the city and the cool weather made me want to hold hands all the time and sneak casual kisses in the streets. It was another adventure in our book and a honeymoon well spent. :)

Travel on, my friends!

♥,

z&i

Honeymooning-ers

2011-04-27T23:07:00.017-05:00

We had the chance to spend our official honeymoon a few months back. Our first stop was at Sin City itself, Las Vegas. It felt so good to finally be in our old traveling shoes again. Initially I wanted for us to go somewhere warm and tropical, of course that was only the ideal plan. Here in the states, our choices were quite limited especially because we had to wait until winter was over and for spring to finally come. Even during spring, it was still a tad too cold for my warm blooded bana. Hawaii was on my list of suggestions but bana would rather stay on the plane a few more hours and go straight home to the Philippines where to my opinion is home to one of the best beaches in the world.

Anyway, Vegas was a very good place to meet up with old and new friends from Silliman University. We were able to spend time with one of our closest friends from SU High, Charmaine, who treated us to our very first helicopter ride to which we truly enjoyed the captivating view of the city. Our college buddy Kate and her husband also took us clubbin, Vegas style. That night proved that I'm no longer a hard drinker for sure. Yes ,maybe I'll have a glass of sangria or mojito here or there but that night was something else. That was the night we had one too many drinks and had a hell of a good time partying from Hotel Aria to The Palazzo. Waking up the very next morning and dragging our butts out of bed to the airport was a pain. We felt like crap but those were good times. lol

We also went on a tour to Arizona to see the marvelous Grand Canyon to which was unbelievably breathtaking. We were able to take a lot of good pictures while enjoying it's vastness. Plus, we played in the snow for the very first time and it was pure FUN. Some people may think that the Grand Canyon National Park is just a big hole in the ground but after seeing it for ourselves, we now believe that it is absolutely one of the world's greatest wonder. You could just sit there and stare at the amazing view for hours.

As much as the bana hates to admit it, shopping in the state of Nevada is as enjoyable as gambling in the casinos. He said, "If you leave me at the tables, I lose money. If I take you shopping, I still lose money. Viva Las Vegas!". I know that this is a place where you could lose money or be one lucky bastard out of a million to actually win something. Yet Vegas is one city we will definitely visit again soon. Hopefully in the near future, with a bigger budget for gambling purposes. Tee hee.

♥,

z&i

From the Mrs.

2011-04-26T15:39:00.019-05:00

It has been quite a long time since my last post, again. I've always gotten the urge to just sit down and write. But I guess all other distractions get in the way. Nowadays, when you want to find out how your friends are doing you go on Facebook. When you don't feel like blogging a whole paragraph, you micro-blog on Twitter. When you just want to rant, you have Tumblr. If you want quiet time alone, you turn on the TV. Or when all else fails, you send a text message. Like I said, so many distractions. Funny how I finally got my motivation to start writing again, thanks to my niece's blog. :) The bana (husband) even complained last night on how I'm always on the zeezeepad (what I named my iPad) and I barely want to do anything other than eat and sleep.

So what's new with me? ;) Not much, really. I'm still getting used to my new legal name. I seriously still get "kilig" (butterflies in the tummy) when people call me Mrs. ____. Just yesterday, I realized that the bana and I have been married for 125 days now. Most of the time, friends still come up to me asking me how married life is treating us. To be honest with you, I think marriage is so much fun. Getting to know more of your partner, living together, taking each day at a time, and loving all the old and unknown quirks you discover everyday. It's annoyingly fun that you can't help but laugh about it afterwards. There's not much of a difference when it comes to our relationship, there's just a lot of compromising being done. And if you ask my awesome better half, he would say "he does most of the compromising" but you don't really have to take his word for it.

To be with each other everyday, taking care of each other, sharing the same bed, waking up next to the person you love the most, or hurrying home from work just because you want to spend even more time together. I'm loving the married life. There are days when you'll want your alone time but if you're like me who is as affectionate as a two-year old child and easily misses company, believe me my alone time doesn't last very long. I tend to follow the bana all over the house, from the living room all the way to the kitchen. I am definitely not the typical housewife who cooks and cleans the house or cleans after her own husband but I'm very privileged that though I don't know jack about cooking, the bana is a very good cook and all I do is assist him in the kitchen. Marriage is indeed a blessing to every couple. If I could, I would recommend it to everyone I know. :)

Come to think of it, we still have to overcome the challenge of planning a church wedding in the Philippines. Ah, even more stress for our baby of a marriage. But still, I am very thankful that the bana is actually here with me. What I love about him even more is that he never fails to make me laugh everyday. Making life seem like its so much easier to laugh at it. Like when I tell him how cute he is and how I love him so much, he doesn't reciprocate as fast as I want him to. Instead he hugs me back, pats me on the shoulder and tells me "Thank you!" or "Very good." Wow, now that's my funny and annoying bana. :)

I guess this is how life as husband and wife, there'll definitely be more ups and downs like any other relationship. To survive, you have to live through the hard times, laugh through the aggravating parts and have fun, enjoy and appreciate each other as much as you can. Then again, I'm no expert here. We are still newbies enjoying each step on this path called marital bliss.

Love,

z&i

We Finally Did

2011-01-30T23:15:00.008-05:00

After what seemed to be forever, we are reunited again. Only this time, as man and wife.

When I was a little girl, I've always wanted a big wedding shared with family and friends from the ceremony in a big church followed by a lavish reception. Never did I see myself getting married at the courthouse. But since we are in America in this so-called "modern" age, one can really say... In unusual circumstances, people are allowed to do unusual things. So, the fiance and I decided to get hitched around immediate family and good close friends the day before Christmas Eve.

It was a long journey for the both of us but our prayers were heard and we were given the chance to finally make it official. Too bad I didn't get to blog about the wedding preparations and the excitement of waiting for my groom to get here. I really wanted to do so. The spontaneity of events didn't permit me to write all my thoughts down in this blog. Instead I had my handy little macbook where all my notepads and documents were safely stored. Although in a very unorganized matter. From the travel plans, celebrations, excitement, worries, panic and giddiness, the fiance and I had our own version of a simple, intimate wedding we never thought we'd ever have. Until now, I am very thankful that everything turned out well... even better as we originally planned.

The venue was beautiful, the vows we shared brought us to tears, the music was so romantic,the food was delicious, everyone who mattered to us were there, the speeches were profound and the love of my life was beside me the entire time. It was just the most perfect day to marry my soulmate.

Together and Back

2010-08-13T03:01:00.005-05:00

♥ Explored another beach with my love and embraced the joys of travel. ♥

Talk to you more, later. ☺

Friday Off

2010-01-23T01:35:00.007-05:00

Good news and bad news. Bad news is that I'm sick with the flu. I had no choice but to take the day off from work and rest. The good news is that I did get some good old rest and did some productive work while on the Mac, too. First of all, I finally watched and declared my newest favorite TV show. Modern Family is one show that I will follow from now on, while I'm waiting for season two of Glee of course. I think I was on it for a good 12 hours or so. I'm a true believer that laughter is a best medicine. Hopefully those hours that I spent laughing so hard would at least help me get rid of this god awful flu.

Secondly, I was hooked on iMovie creating another travel video for me and Ian. Forgive me but this is what I end up doing when I get my creative juice going. I can forget about hitting the sack early tonight because this is very addictive.

As expected, I'm missing Ian so much as I play the videos over and over to get each single clip right. It's a little on the mushy side but oh well it makes us happy. I can't stop smiling remembering how happy we are when we're together. The more excited I am for the next chance to be with Ian again. Soon, soon. :)

Hope you like it.

Socks & Sneezes

2010-01-20T23:36:00.010-05:00

My pda has always been the ever so trusty gadget to capture little bits and pieces of me and Ian together. Tonight, I had some time on my hands so I figured I'd try creating my very first project on iMovie with the videos I saved on my phone.

It was fun creating this short clip. This was when the boy and I were stuck in the beautiful island of El Nido, Palawan. It was one of the most memorable experiences we've had while traveling. You've heard those running hypothetical questions that start with, "If you were stuck in an island, who would you take with you?" We did not only live that line, we ended up having the most wonderful time of our lives.

Familiar Poses

2009-12-23T23:46:00.026-05:00

I was browsing through my photos, both old and new. It's funny how I see myself doing somewhat the same poses in certain photos. Taken in different times and places though. It's a bit boring of me to do so but I can't help it. I think it's funny noticing them and thinking to myself "Oh no, not again??" Maybe I

really should stay still and just smile for the camera, like normal people do.

For example, Ian and I went to HK for the very first time in 2007. I did this while we were shopping at their famous night market.

Two years later, we had a chance to visit the great city of Beijing and what do I do in front of the camera again? This.

Of course it's a very overused "theme", if I may say. I even drag my poor baby into taking these kind of pictures with me. Yet the end results still amuses me... Melts my heart every time. :)

Perfect Timing

2009-12-20T16:37:00.017-05:00

I think I haven't blogged in years. My good friend specifically told me it has been six months since I've touched this blog, judging from her site tracker. What a way to set aside this part of my routine, huh? I used to blog endlessly in the past, especially when I was inspired and had enough time on my hands. Not that that hasn't been the case here, I've been the former more than enough but the latter has really crept up on me bad. Let's just face it, in this generation real blogging has been replaced by micro-blogging, twitter, facebook and fashion blogs. How sad.

I was watching a very good movie that got me in the mood to write. Since this is not a movie review, let us skip the info on the movie and go straight to the updates shall we? So, it has been ages since blogger has seen the likes of me. And a lot has changed since then. My life has been blessed enough with the new job, I've gained more great friendships, we've done some good traveling, enjoyed family gatherings, and the most important part... I got engaged to the love of my life, the most wonderful man I have ever met! I will probably write more about the wedding planning later on. :)

There were many reasons that have stopped me from blogging during my long hiatus (ie. crappy notebook, old camera and plain old laziness). This will probably be a perfect time for me to start blogging again. I have promised my self that I will update this area of interest more often now. I know I can't just write about any thought that passes through my mind. That would just be a whole lot of blahs. Since Christmas is in the air and the year has been very good to all of us, I think an accumulation of experiences this year will be good enough entries to add to this site. Maybe maybe...

Some travel snapshots.

Reasons to love work even more.

To be continued....

Post Hiatus

2009-05-29T21:53:00.004-05:00

I did not realize how long I've neglected this space until my friend pointed out my last entry was way back in December. It's been almost five months since the last time I blogged. I didn't even write about my new year resolutions or so called realization. One thing I always do at the start of the year. Actually, I opted not to do that this time around. During those five months that I have been silent, I was uninspired, unmotivated, crushed , in pain and it felt like a broken bone. I was stupid to let go of bonds that I've made, lose touch with my old friends, and permitted myself to feel lost. Sad but true.

Then again, that's all in the past now. It doesn't really matter how much things changed. Old year, new year. Old me, new me. Old job, new career. Perhaps the old happiness will change to new happiness. I've learned important lessons about happiness though. It will only be meaningful when shared with the ones you love. Any form it takes, it will still be considered happiness. And when you think you've lost it, you probably haven't. It's there somewhere, you've just misplaced it.

Our One Silver Lining

2008-12-11T14:24:00.010-05:00

Like what our eldest brother has already blogged about, we have another blessing to our family. My Manong Tater and Manang Paula brought to the world a healthy bouncing baby boy. The newest addition to the clan, Paulo Nero C. Vidal! Technically, this little bundle of joy was born on the same day as my birthday here... Or maybe a day after. (different time zones makes it a little confusing) :) The rest of the family can't wait to meet the little angel...

We love you already Paulo Nero!

Ultimate Addiction

2008-11-19T00:54:00.011-05:00

It has been months since we started playing this sport. We're addicted to it so much that it's not even funny anymore. It's a new kind of fun but at the same time it's making us competitive as hell . We started with just 3-6 players throwing and running after the frisbee whenever we can. Then word got out and more friends started showing up wanting to play with us. Now, we get together almost every night of the week. Running for 2-3 games straight, sometimes. This is bad. This is very bad. But it's too much fun that we just can't stop. Also, it's a very good workout for everybody. Making it sound like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not addicted to it when I obviously am. :)

The bad news is, I think I'm the only one in the team who gets injured at game time. I have had scratches, skin abrasions, acute open wounds and bruises all over my body from this crazy sport. Not a pretty picture at all. It's either my joints and muscles are too sore to function normally or I'm just plain clumsy. Even the boyfriend has banned me from playing. He honestly did try to stop me, it didn't work. lol We had to come up with a compromise that I can still play as long as I wear some kind of protection. Thus, the cleats and knee pads have now been a part of my game apparel. *blush*

It's plain to see that this is our ultimate addiction for now. Sort of a new hobby for everybody. It's fun. We love it and we can't stop playing it. It's coed. And it's so much fun to actually outrun some of the boys when the game is on. haha!

=W=

2008-11-18T21:53:00.013-05:00

We went to Houston last month for one very good reason, Weezer.

It was my first rock band concert and to say that it was cool will not do justice to the whole experience. Geek rock as they call it, alternative rock or power pop. Whatever you call it, they simply ROCK. That's how the band is for you, their songs are catchy, their rhythm is mad and they know how to work the crowd. Honestly, I began to have high praises for them because originally I heard it all from my brother. Now, that guy has been a Weezer fan since I don't know when. It was his dream to actually see them perform and to finally share that experience with him was awesome. I have to admit I knew nothing about the front acts at the concert. There were performances from Angels & Airwaves and this other band from Toronto. Tom DeLonge, former vocalist of alternative rock group Blink 182, fronted Angels & Airwaves but I hardly even recognized him because he got a little chubby. hehe.

Anyway, I first started liking Weezer when I heard their Buddy Holly song back when I was still in high school. I saw their video and I remembered thinking to myself, "These guys are freakin' cool... in a geeky kinda way." I stand corrected. Geeks they were NOT. But cool they will ALWAYS be. Tell me, when can you ever see a rock band with the lead vocals kicking around a rubber ball or jumping on a trampoline while singing on stage? I swear, only Rivers Cuomo can pull that off. He is so freakin weird, i love it! :)

Trying California

2008-10-16T15:27:00.015-05:00

I finally had the chance to head west coast a few weeks back. Though I’ve been living in this country for quite some time now, I have never set foot on the sunny state of California. Well, except for a few layovers from here to there but we all know that doesn’t count. Originally, there were supposed to be three of us meeting up in Cali but one of our friends had to bail out because of work. It was a failed attempt to meet up but we still had to push through with the plan. We’ll all just have to book another trip to make up for the last one. Which is another reason for us to be excited about? (Right, Tiw?)

For a total of four days, I had so much fun sight seeing, dining out, shopping and simply just hanging out. All thanks to Mylene, a very good friend from way back in kindergarten. The most positive girl I have ever had the pleasure of spending sunny days with. :) Despite the fact that I got an itty bitty cold during the trip, I had an awesome time. It was a great bonding experience.

We went all over the place. From Los Angeles, Newport Harbor, Balboa Island, La Jolla and all the way to San Diego. We had tons of moments that ranged from adorably embarrassing, reasonably cute to downright funny. We hung out and did nothing but talk until we ran out of gossip to share. We drove around and got lost in streets we would’ve easily avoided if we weren’t talking as much. On a night in the city, we were classified as “cute and festive” when we were giggling and sipping on our ladies drinks. We dined out to our taste buds' delight trying out various types of cuisine. We went to Karen Krasne Extraordinary Desserts to dig in on their sinfully delicious creations that were oh so heavenly. Then when it came to the girly sport of shopping, we didn’t stop until we convinced ourselves that we’ve had enough. :D

We came up with the conclusion that the love for travel is definitely easy to discover and a tad bit too lavish to maintain. haha. Like what my friend said, “There’s no better way to enjoy life than right now... while we’re still single.” Or I should say, sort of single. :)

My Mommy Luvah

2008-10-07T14:04:00.017-05:00

All I have is genuine happiness for one dear close friend who is now a Mommy! You and your family deserve all the happiness in the world. This little bundle of joy is truly your blessing for staying so in love all these years. You are beaming of pure unstoppable bliss that it's contagious! I can't contain myself... I'm SO HAPPY for you, Densya! You sounded extremely ecstatic over the phone that I just wanted to hug you so bad!! Instead I'll do what I said I'd do, "This is so going in my blog!" hahaha! :D

All my love to Denise, Carlo and their healthy bouncing baby boy....

Welcome to the world, Kyle Anthony Tuaño Eltanal!

Or as what your mom said, baby KATE! hehehe..

The Sniffles

2008-10-02T12:30:00.012-05:00

It’s October already?? Boy that was fast. After a busy month of doing nothing but work out, play ultimate, shop, serious work (barely) and travel, look at where it has gotten me. Here in the office stuck with the common cold. This really sucks, big time. But I guess someone has to do all this work and it might as well be me. Scratch that. I am the only one who CAN finish all this work. Anyway...

I feel the need to catch up with a lot of stuff besides work. I somewhat feel obligated to keep in touch with most of my friends back home and here as well. I want to go back to playing ultimate with the team but this stupid cold keeps draining my energy. I’m in a constant rush to spend countless hours with my cousins who are in town. But I don’t want to spend half the time coughing and sneezing in front of them. Also, I want to blog about the fabulous time I had in Cali with my batch mate since nursery but I guess that will have to be another entry altogether. Plus, the family is planning to hit the beach this weekend. I’m not even sure if I’m off that time. Grrrrr! I just hate this.

As I’m writing this entry, work has been banging in my head and I just can’t think straight. I swear. Notice I have resorted to this blog instead. haha I'm sick, I'm telling you. I’ve already sent a text message to my cousin begging her to drop me off some Tylenol AM and anything that has 100% natural juice content. The boyfriend is constantly calling and checking up on me and how I’m feeling. Though I feel like the crappiest of all crap, this has got to be the best feeling I’ve had since I got sick. I feel so loved! :)

So, I’m definitely in a rush right now. I’m rushing to finish work, to be done with the day, to finally get some more sleep, and I am certainly in a rush to get well! To the gods of colds and influenza (if there are any), please, please, please, pleaseeeeee let me breathe normally again…

On Standby

2008-09-08T22:57:00.005-05:00

The new hobby seems to be very fun and addictive. If it were not for the unpredictable showers lately, we would probably be doing this everyday. Unfortunately, there's another discouraging factor that has kept us from playing. Mosquitoes come flying about after rainfall. Horrifying mutant insects which are by far the most enormous kind I have ever seen. We've tried playing in gloomy weather before... Dark skies, heavy clouds, scattered thunderstorms and even under the pouring rain. We can take anything but those monstrous mosquitoes. It's been a week or so since the last time we went out and played. I suppose we'll just have to wait out the ugly weather for now. Get some rest while the mosquitoes are still out there.

It's actually not much of a sport, really. Mostly a lot of running, sweating, jumping, leaping, throwing and passing but it sure hell's a lot of fun. I think we're seriously getting good at this, too. So, I'm calling on anyone who would like to join us and play at the park. The more people we lure into playing with us, the greater chance for us to have an actual ultimate Frisbee team. Let me know if you want in on it.

Uhm, no I don't know those two girls in the photo. And yes, we'll take our own game pictures soon. ;)

A Cute Visit

2008-08-26T22:15:00.013-05:00

These two little boys stepped into the office yesterday. Figuratively speaking. Actually, they both came in with their Mommys. One can already walk on his own (as long as his Mom is close) while the other arrived in his royal car seat. Both of them wore green which was oh so adorable. I couldn't help but pinch their cute chubby cheeks and gave them high fives during their short visit. I hope their Moms won't mind that I posted this photo.

After they left I started thinking. I've always wished I'd start having kids at a young age. Well, not the young knocked up teenage mother kind of thing but around the early twenties is fine. Since our generation has somewhat changed now, I guess having kids in your mid or late twenties would be alright as well.

So, me and my dear colleague started talking. We got to calculating, too. If we would get married around the age of, let's say 27 or 28, that gives us plenty of enough time to enjoy the married life solely with the husband for a good year or two. Then we could start having babies at the age of 29, plus 16 years... By the time our kid reaches his/her teenage years, we'll be what? In our mid 40s?

Hhmmm. I remember how I was like when I was a teenager (swallows). Uh oh.

Our Fourth

2008-07-26T13:10:00.023-05:00

For the four years we've shared together,
Thank you for being my source of happiness.
Without contest,
you are still the reason behind this smile.
For the years we will still have to face,
To share them with you...
Will mean the world to me.

I love you not only for the years we have shared.
I love you because it is what my heart wants me to do.
To the only one who knows my heart better than I do,
You’re the furthest most important person away from me,
Yet I find myself loving you more and more each day.
Amidst the redundancy of all this,
You will always be the one who holds my heart.

Happy 4th Anniversary to us, Bey.

Props to Mr. Brown

2008-07-20T23:55:00.025-05:00

Chris Brown in concert at the Dodge Arena, July 1st. And we were there! It definitely goes without saying, he is unbelievably awesome. At first, I didn't agree when people said CB could beat Usher on the dance floor. Or when they described CB as a young Michael Jackson. Like anyone could really be as good as Michael Jackson, please. But really, CB is damn good on the footworks. I just couldn't believe the 16 year old boy who sang "Run It" back in 2005 is now SO HOT! I was there just staring at him while he glided on stage and worked it. His dance moves were sick! He has definitely proved to the world that he has real talent, hypnotic tracks, impeccable vocals and amazingly mad skills as a dancer (Like I didn't stress this part enough. haha).

I didn't really expected the concert to be any good since I got tickets too late and had to sit alone while the girlfriends were all sitting in the same section. When I got to my seat, I looked around and saw someone I knew and she invited me to join their group. With no hesitation, I did. We danced so much, yelled at the top of our lungs and was CB-starstruck the whole night thru. To make the night even more memorable, we didn't realize that we were seated so close to another celebrity. In the middle of the concert, people started looking in the back. We got curious, so we did the same. There, just a few steps away from where we were, was CB's number one fan and current girlfriend... The ever so chic and fabulous, Rihanna! We couldn't believe our own eyes. Seeing Chris Brown and Rihanna in one night! What are the odds of that?

Maaayn, that night was FUN.

This one from my camera.

post wreck

2008-07-18T00:16:00.005-05:00

I feel awful.
I see bruises on my arm.
I have this terrible cramped feeling on my right shoulder.
My right knee's semi busted.
My shin felt numb for a while.
I stuttered almost the entire day.
Made a feeble attempt to argue my way out of trouble.
Failed miserably.
It's hopeless.
I can't play for shit.

Not something I'd see myself having more of anytime soon.

New Post, New Hair.

2008-07-09T22:18:00.017-05:00

I had my hair cut again. Most days I love having it short like this. But the weird thing is, I also miss the long Manang-like hairstyle where I can just tie it in a ponytail on a hot day and wah la! Its goodbye bad hair day and I head out the door. Anyway, like anyone cares if I get a new do or not.

The only thing cute about getting my hair cut was this one kilig factor on the day I got it. The boyfriend and I were in Manila and I was totally in dire need of a trip to the beauty salon. So, I asked to be dropped off at David's while we were at the Rob. I was there for a good couple of hours as I had my toes painted and got the snip snip. As the boyfriend didn't want to wait for me the whole time, he went around the place going about his business at the gadgets department. Uhuh, men and their "toys". When I was done with all the beauty regimens, I sent Ian a txt message to come pick me up. He replied for me to wait and that he'll be there in a few. I was of course too embarrassed at first cz I wasn't confident enough to have the boyfriend see the new hair. He got there, saw me and said something that really swept me off my feet. He softly grabbed my hand and said, "Let's go, before my girlfriend sees us."

This was the part where he got me smiling ear-to-ear and blushing like a schoolgirl.

It was odd how that line really got me. It sounded kind of sneaky and at the same time vaguely familiar. I asked the boyfriend where he got those kind of lines and he said "secret" because he didn't want to be embarrased. This necessarily meant for me to tease him until he cracks. Because... he probably used a line like that with some other girl behind my back but he said no. Oh well. We met up with some friends at a Japanese restaurant. I told Jadey about what happened. She said that even if it was kilig and all, that line sounded very familiar to her too. By this time, I was so curious and suspicious that I was ready to burst. Then my friend said, "Hey, isn't that line from a movie?" We both looked at my boyfriend and he started smirking. We figured it out instantly, the line was from the movie "Devil Wears Prada".

All I could do was hug the boyfriend so tight saying, "Baby, you're a chic!"

Brother Bears

2008-07-08T17:55:00.012-05:00

I love my big brothers! No matter how crazy and dorky they can get, I love them even more.

I rarely write about my family and it's plain to see why. What else is there to write when there's a truckload of stories to tell and tons of laughs to let out whenever I have them in mind. If I try to describe each of my Manongs, it would take me a lifetime to finish halfway. Let me just keep it short and simple. For me, they're the funniest, quirkiest, rowdiest and not to mention the most affectionate bunch of big babies you'll ever get to meet.

When I was a kid, my siblings and I would have a lot of fun times playing, running around and roughhousing. And when we're just at home we would find ourselves laughing endlessly when we start joking around. These three big guys used to pick on me and would not stop until the waterworks start coming in. Or until I run to one of the rooms bawling nonstop and slamming the door shut. Yes, it was a very lovely site alright. But as I was growing older, my teenage years were all about keeping me away from boys and making sure I wouldn't get anywhere close to having a "boyfriend". When male friends would call me at the house, they would get some rude greeting over the phone followed by loud yelling of what apparently was an indication for me to pick up the phone. Those were the days when I couldn't wait for my brothers to leave the house to start school in the bigger cities.

When they did actually leave, I was already in my middle years of high school. And the big shocker was, I started to miss them awfully bad. So bad that I even blamed my mother for making them apply for universities so far from home, making the house feel so empty and leaving me lonely with no brotherly guidance. Well, I did have Mng Tat with me in Dumaguete but he kept going out and partied a lot which made us the best of friends. NOT. lol. He also left home from time to time because of his course internship and other unknown activities. Anyway, I would only see the rest of my brothers during summer vacations and sem breaks when they flew back home or when we visited them in Manila. Each time we barely got together, it was like I wanted them around all of the time and it made me miss them a lot more when the vacation was over. That was our only chance to have some good sibling bonding just like the good old days.

Now, all of us have grown up. We only get to meet up once a year or even once in two years and it never seems enough. Yet I still am thankful for those times the family has together, although short it's always worthwhile. It's ironic how you want what you already had at a time when you can't have them as often anymore. The brothers have their own family to take care of now, some have only started, while the rest of us are still working on it. So, whenever we get the chance to reunite like this we never fail to appreciate every second of it and be mom & dad's loud rowdy kids all over again.

You & I, again.

2008-06-30T10:32:00.004-05:00

Whatever happened, happened.

Whatever will happen, should.

One thing is still certain..

Wherever we go, we'll always find each other.

I love it when it's just the two of us...

Mng Tat's Wedding

2008-06-29T20:21:00.011-05:00

My brother got married last June 7, 2008 in Malitbog, Leyte Philippines.
We wouldn't have missed it for the world.

It was one of the most enjoyable wedding I've ever been a part of. Although there were some quirks and tweaks to it, we made sure to make it the most memorable wedding... so far. To us, it was more like a family affair. But to my brother, we definitely saw it in his eyes that it was the happiest day of his life. Sappy, I know.. That's how my bro is, romantic and not a bit less pretentious about it. Awh.

Here are some of the funny wedding chika...

The family had to charter a whole Ceres Liner Bus to take the groom's entire party from Dumaguete all the way to Cebu. As for the Cebu to Leyte boat ride, the party almost took up all the space in the overnight Cokaliong Ship. When the groom welcomed his party in the middle of the night in Maasin, Leyte... lets just say he was more than overwhelmed. He was in panic. Well, I would be too if that many people traveled far and wide just for me.

At the church, right before the entourage started marching towards the altar, me and my other brother (the eldest) were just being silly cam-whores outside. Taking pictures and chatting away to keep our minds off the afternoon heat. The next thing we know, the coordinator worked his-her (bading , in other words) magic and started directing people about the order of the march. We were wondering where my brother needed to fall in line for his role as the chord sponsor. But we still stayed put where we were. Then we saw the secondary sponsors walking down the aisle and I asked my brother, "Hey, aren't you supposed to march together with them?" We just burst out laughing like crazy kids.

After the ceremony, when it was time to take the wedding photos, they called on the MOH and the Best Man to join the newlyweds at the altar. So, I went and so did the Best Man. The photographer called out "O, MOH.. Best Man.. Pose like the Bride and Groom." Of course, the newlyweds were standing so close to each other with the groom's arms around his bride while their fingers interlocked holding the bouquet of pretty red roses. But there was no chance in hell the MOH and Best Man were going to pose like that. People called out from the back, "Hoy, mag-igsuon na sila!" (Translation: Hey, they're siblings!) Ew.

At the reception, all of us cousins had to present a dance number at the groom's request. We had to dance to the tune of the 80s song "The Promise" by When in Rome. Apparently, this was the song my brother sang "karaoke style" to the bride, his then girlfriend, that swept her off her feet and made her fall in love with him. When we told the kids we had to dance to that certain song, they gave us blank stares and funny faces... "Can't we just dance Soulja Boy instead??" Yooouuuu!

So, there you go... A wedding. A huge celebration. One very large rowdy family. Aftermath... Total riot.

It's Us Again

2008-05-30T10:32:00.002-05:00

Guess where we are?

She's Out

2008-05-22T00:24:00.011-05:00

But I'll be right with YOU...

And a Lil Sun

2008-05-14T22:33:00.012-05:00

I had the chance to go dolphin watching at the island a few weeks back. It was sort of a request from my friend who was celebrating her birthday. So, we went just for the hell of it. And of course, for a dose of the beach, sand and a little bit of sun.

As for the dolphin watching, there were only two dolphins spotted and they weren't too jolly to see homo sapiens around. No big deal though. I've had that experience before back in the Philippines anyway. But I must say, the one in Bais (or is it Manjuyod?) Negros Oriental is still the best I've had yet. At least you can actually see the dolphins swim right beside the boat and you can tell for sure they're having fun. Not like the one's here, they looked a tad bit morose. I swear. They didn't even want to get their pictures taken. Hmpf! The nerve. Who did they think they were? Shamu? I kid, I kid.

I seriously want to hit the beach pretty soon. Oh, I miss the beach... I NEED the beach.

Soon, soon..

Not the Woodsy Kinda Girl

2008-04-29T23:18:00.012-05:00

We went to Austin, TX and did camping at this place called Krause Springs. Although it was fun taking hikes and exploring the woods, I'm dead certain that I'm never going camping again. HAHA! I know, that was a pretty harsh statement. Let me rephrase that, maybe I'll just do better next time. And be more prepared. No wonder I didn't make it in the girl scouts club back in the days.

It wasn't so bad though. The thing that really got me was there was NO hot water in the shower and we almost froze our butts off sleeping inside the tent on a VERY cold night. We just didn't anticipate how cold it could get since it was very sunny and warm throughout the day. I knew I should have brought my trusty comforter with me. But then again, hanging out the whole weekend with friends who constantly crack me up was very much worth it. And the theory of body heat was a huge help. Another surviving factor was the good food! All-American barbecue and carbo-loading was seriously to die for.

Anyway, the camping site was actually very nice. Fresh air, a lot of trees, pretty lake and colorful tents were set up all over the area. If you're the outdoorsy type who can start a campfire and actually know how to keep it burning for hours by putting in the right kind of firewood, then you're good. But not me. I kept on walking around the woods picking up all sorts of wrong sticks and stones. Yes, stones! It was dark and cold outside, ok?! With all the noises you hear and things you think you see in the middle of the scary woods... You'll never know an Aswang would pop out of nowhere! Duuuhhh! Yeah, it could happen you know!

Like what my friend told me, I'm obviously more of a city girl. To be honest with you, the whole time we were there... I seriously missed the laptop.

Of Fights, Regrets & Silent Treatments

2008-04-23T13:30:00.015-05:00

I'm never very good at confrontations. With misunderstandings nor with upfront criticism. I guess you could say I'm very impulsive and I make drastic decisions when I'm stuck in an argument. It would be easy for me to blurt out things I don't mean. Even to the point of swearing and letting go of what really matters.

I had a little spat with one of my best friends not too long ago. I told her that our friendship was at stake. This caused us to not speak with each other for about three days and a weekend. Since we normally talk online on a daily basis, it was really hard on us. Not being able to share senseless thoughts and joke around about everything made days at the office awfully boring and the passing of the hours unbearably slow. We missed each other's company too much that after an exchange of emails and some mild hints online, we couldn't take it anymore. I'm glad to say that we are now back to sharing our funny stories and being best of friends again. Based on my experience, there's one good thing about girl fights. No, it's not the hair-pulling, the scratching, nor the shirt-shredding. It's how girls have this certain power to pretend as if nothing happened. Either they start over or hold that grudge until God knows when.

Some would think that girls are too emotional that it takes them weeks, months, or even years to patch things up with their girlfriends. Well, most of my friends aren't like that. But I do know someone who had a major fallout with one of her girlfriends for years and until now they're still not in speaking terms. I love my friends to bits. So, I can't imagine giving them the cold shoulder for days, let alone years. That would just be too brutal. When I fight with the boyfriend or with one of my girlfriends, both parties not only regret the things they unintentionally say but it takes them such a long time to swallow their pride and say sorry. Isn't it easy to simply say sorry after a fight? With all the issues building up, all the hurt, and tempers soaring?? Hah! I didn't think so.

Whatever kind of fight it is, petty or important. It always boils down to one thing, pride. Pride is easily mistaken for common sense when its just plainly what it is, a sense of one's own worth. "It's his fault, he should be the one to fix things. I didn't do anything wrong, she should be the one to apologize." No one yields, no one takes the blame. PRIDE. It's a quality that a lot of us possess. It's an admirable quality to hold. Until it becomes a wall. A wall that forces us to enclose ourselves and shut off anyone who's on the other side. It's a tricky little fella, alright. I've had enough of it lately. And I certainly hope I won't be bumping into the likes of it soon...

Almost There

2008-04-10T13:51:00.007-05:00

In an amount of days, twenty-five to be exact, I have done nothing but vent. Which is not much of a surprise to people who know me well. It’s because something happened to me that I did not expect. It left me in a very crucial place in this wretched world. If you ask some of my dear good friends, I have spent days being angry, sensitive and downright pissed. I threw random fits of paranoia that simply led to nowhere. Redundant was oddly the right word to describe me.

I guess you could say I survived something worth surviving. It may have gotten me nowhere but it made me feel cared for, more so, loved. Sometimes you have no idea how a simple phone call, an email, an online conversation, or a mere text message can make someone feel less miserable. And more importantly, close to happy again. To my friends who were there, or tried their hardest to be there for me, thank you for understanding me like always and I miss you terribly. You have not only tolerated my being redundant about the whole thing but you listened. You called despite the fact that we’re continents apart and stayed on the line for hours. You tried staying online to chat with me even when you had work on your hands. Just to tell me I’m doing the right thing. You didn’t just stay for the entire conversation but you stayed with me the whole night watching chic flicks until the break of dawn. Thank you, girls!

I’m not totally saved yet but I believe I’m getting there. And I’m happy.

Save Me

2008-03-26T00:09:00.009-05:00

When things start to fall apart you refuse to understand the reasons why. When its time to see things clearer, you become selfish and focus on your self. I can't help but accept that this is what you wanted. Even though it was not fair, I gave it to you.

Let me just do this. Focus on the present moment. Focus on the here and now. Leaving all frustrations outside these walls. Finding peace with myself. Listening to my body. Because as opposed to breaking down, I choose to break through.

But I can't ignore it no more. I still hear it... It's my heart, crying out for you.

Viva Pebrero!

2008-03-05T21:45:00.013-05:00

Last month was spent with family. And all I can say is this... February was good. Had the cousins over from Ossining, New York (again). And as expected, most of the days were simply about hanging out and chillin. Which, for me, made their vacation leaves and winter break, as well as my requested offs, all the while worth it. The only thing that sucked was that I still had to go to work in the daytime instead of bumming around the whole day with the cousins. But after work hours, we would stay next door, watch Mighty Ducks movies, wait for Otto to be done with cooking dinner and pretty much had friends over for drinks. I can't believe we didn't really had a lot of things planned while they were here. So, we ended up eating A LOT. But did I gain weight? Oh, heck yeah. :P

Well, we did do something besides hanging around the house and pigging out. We finally dared to cross the border and went to Progreso, Mexico! Viva El Méjico! It was a major riot though. I had to pull some strings to get off work early on a Friday, we had blanca skip her last period at school and we had to tell bubu that if a nine year old like him goes to Mexico without his mommy he would get stuck there and be kidnapped. hahahaha!

Originally, we wanted to go to Mexico for the shopping because we heard stuff is really cheap there. But you'll never guess what I did right when we arrived. I went inside the first store I saw and bought drugs! naaah, just kidding. I bought prescription drugs without an actual prescription. HAHA. I got the goods, put it in my pocket and went straight for the door. I was later informed that you can actually haggle and bargain for goods in Mexico. Like you could make "hangyo" or "tawad". Of course, it was too late to put my power of persuasion into good use since I already said, "Gracias" and ran out the door like the amateur smuggler that I am. Besides, I'm not very good at haggling. Ask the boyfriend about me shopping in HK and he'd tell you that I'd take the cash out right when I see the merchandise I want to get.

Anyway, one thing we made sure to try in Mexico was their authentic Tacos. They were absolutely delicious! Picture this, straight off the streets of Mexico is where the best tasting tacos we've ever had in our lives are. Good food, very cheap price, oily as hell but deadly scrumptious. How great is that?! oooohh, thinking about it makes me hungry. hhmm.. Anyway, the last thing we bought before heading back to the states was booze. You could get a bottle of Jose Cuervo for only 12 bucks there! It was like an alcoholic's sweet heaven! haha.

There, we went to Mexico. Shopped. Got our kind of drugs. Sipped on margaritas while walking in their fun streets. Tried their sweet treats and candies. Devoured the most delicious tacos. Bought a lot of booze. Took heaps of pictures. Posed with a native who dressed up as a cowboy. LOL And one more thing, I rode on a mechanical bull! FUN.

Are You in Davao?

2008-02-26T20:47:00.017-05:00

A concert for a cause:
For a Drug Free Society.
If you're currently residing in Davao or have friends who do...

Spread the word.

Support the cause.

Here's a concert you'd definitely want to watch! Bamboo live in Davao City this Saturday, March 1, 2008 Market Basket @ Damosa Gateway. If only I could be there to witness the hottest band in the Philippines perform live. They won tons of awards from the NU Rock Awards in 2007, including Guitarist o the Year, Bassist of the Year, Drummer of the Year, Best Live Act, Listener's Choice Award and Artist of the Year. Their album "We Stand Alone Together" is simply awesome. They're just wickedly cool. Not to mention Ira and Bamboo are so HOT. lol Unfortunately, I can't be there to watch it. So can someone watch the concert for me? :)

Bamboo LIVE in Davao on March 1, 2008 Saturday
Market Basket @ Damosa Gateway (gates open @ 6:30PM)

Tickets range from Php 500, Php 350 and Php 250.
Sold @ Bunz, Piza, Paper Tree & Wild FM Station.
For reservation call/text:
+63906 541 1053
+63916 416 8091

Valentine's Mess

2008-02-11T01:20:00.001-05:00

Since it’s a new month, sort of, I feel the need to write.

Valentine’s Day is already this week but I’m not welcoming it with arms wide open. One reason for this would be the boyfriend, he was never a fan of Valentine’s Day. Ergo, unlike other couples we’ve become nonbelievers of V-day. It’s not because of the distance. We’ve tried celebrating V-days before, together, apart, or mean less to say, even with other people we were involved with. And it’s just not a big deal, really. I mean, REALLY.

People here have asked me if I’m excited for the 14^th. My in-your-face answer would be “Elk.” They just get oh so giddy talking about it that I respond with a little sneer expression on my face. The kind that would be characterized by a slight raising of one corner of my upper lip. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bitter because the boyfriend is not in the same time zone as I am. The last time we celebrated V-day together was a total mess. With the hustle and bustle of celebrating that same night like everyone else, it went pretty bad. We had the perfect dinner reservations at a nice restaurant but were not served our crappy food until two excruciating hours later.

For me, it awfully feels as though people celebrate Valentines only because everybody else is. Tell me then. Why can’t we celebrate heart’s day everyday? I don’t think we need some greeting card company to dole out a certain day in a year in order for us to celebrate love. I celebrate love every single day and it’s simply lovely. I may not be very excited for this Thursday but I do have to admit something. Whenever I see my dad “surprise” mom with a bouquet of roses every year for Valentines… It never fails to melt my heart.

Have a different / the usual / thrilling / boring / sweet / corny Valentine’s Day!

The Junoverse

2008-01-29T23:33:00.001-05:00

We went to the movies last night to go see the highly recommended film, Juno. Honestly, I didn't really know what to expect with this movie. I only knew three things about it. One, was it's logline: A teenage girl (Juno) makes difficult decisions when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. Two, the reviews were high. Lastly, whenever my brother firmly says a movie is good, I trust his taste and watch the movie with no questions asked. He's just cool like that.

To my surprise, this film easily won my heart from the very first scene. It's one of the most romantic smart comedies I ever saw. A teen movie with the perfect touch of drama. Especially the part when Juno was dealing with the couple to whom she considered giving up her baby for adoption. Ellen Page (Kitty Pryde from X-Men) did a great job in portraying the sharped-tongued Juno who fell in love with geeky Bleeker (Michael Cera from Smartbad) who reminds me so much of my chiochio (hi baby! hehe ;P). It also starred Jennifer Garner and J.K. Simmons to boot. The spectacular job on the screenplay was done by Diablo Cody. She had tons of very clever and funny dialogue that kept me laughing out loud inside the movie theater. Believe me, I haven't done that in a long time. All the lines from the movie were simply hilarious! I love every whip-smart reply, snarky attitude and sarcastic one-liners. The movie was just different and hysterically honest. You'd find yourself laughing from the beginning up until the almost-end part when you start to cry a little. Maybe it's just me who's like that but heck, I'm not afraid to admit it. Hahaha..

It's the kind of movie you'll want to watch twice and still would watch it over and over again. I know I would. I have to admit, its a simple story but it turned out to be great. Better than what I was expected. A good-hearted story with a lot of truth in it. It definitely won a spot on my list of favorite movies.

One of the touching lines:

"Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

Here's a video to start knocking your romantic socks off.
Juno and Bleeker's song at the last part...
SWEEEEEEEEEETTTT!!!

Proposals

2008-01-27T23:45:00.001-05:00

There's nothing wrong when you're asked more than once. Never will I, in any way whatsoever, say "No" to this. When we were younger, we knew we would get to this stage sooner or later. Now that we're adults, so-called ill behaved adults, it's just plain awkward. First, there's the feeling of excitement with all planning to do. Then I find myself thinking crazy again, asking myself "Am I old enough?" Or facing the inevitable question, "Am I ready?"

Hold on. Let us not get ahead of ourselves. It's not what you think. It's absofreakinlutely not what I want to think. One of my girlfriends is getting married soon. And she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. This was the proposal that I said yes to, of course. :P

I always feel a little ecstatic whenever I'm asked to be a part of an entourage. I don't know why. But when I was a kid, my name would automatically be on the list as one of the flower girls. That was always a given. And it was all very thrilling for me. To have someone put make up on my face and play dress up for a whole day was just so cool.

During ceremonies, I remember staring at the bridesmaids wishing I was one of them. They were all very beautiful in their long gowns. I couldn't wait to end my days of showering petals on the floor and start sitting pretty like those bridesmaids. I played flower girl too many times at different weddings and easily got bored with the part. Especially when it got too embarrassing. There were times when I was the tallest among the flower girls. Even worst, the oldest. I couldn't wait to grow up and retire the role. There was even a stage when I was too old to stay a flower girl but too young to be a bridesmaid. My Aunts and Uncles would still find crazy ways to get me a legit gig. Thus, the Junior Bridesmaid role was created. More like, made up. With enough embarrassment and tons of subtle relief, that was the end of my "flowering" years.

Its time for the fun and irreplaceable bridesmaid bliss, again. The time for lovelier gowns, bigger bouquets and dainty footwear. Not only that, you get to have heaps of goodies, invites to pre-wedding events, AND CAKE! I don't think any lady would refuse this opportunity to enjoy as much. Where else can you find grown women having so much off the record fun but on bachelorette parties? *hehe* I can't wait for the next big event. Or for the time when I'll get bored playing this role and wish for the next best thing. I kid, I kid. Hahaha..

From Te-Ho Wedding in September 2008.

Too many times, I've been the flower girl and I've also been the bridesmaid. Other than those two roles, I have never taken part of anything else in a wedding. Except now. Despite delay I am now proud to say that I'm done waiting in the sidelines. This is absolutely the right time for me to respond with a resounding "Yes!" to the long awaited proposal. I knew this was bound to happen to me. That I was destined for this. It's funny how your loved ones expected this to happen long before you yourself did. The only problem is, how am I going to get through this stage in my life with complete confidence? I'm millions of miles away and continents apart. This is going to be hard but I think I'm ready. Besides, being the maid of honor at my brother's wedding this year wouldn't be that hard, now would it?

:)

Take That

2008-01-25T00:48:00.001-05:00

They’re the type of people you come across once in a while. They tell you a number of compellingly dull stories about their lives. They try to amaze you with weak attempts of over achievement. They go on talking to you pretending that they don’t even realize that they’re making you feel small. Oh, you know. It’s like most everyone else in this insecure world. They just can’t stop talking about themselves. Why is that? It’s always, I, I, I… Me, Me, Me… Mine, mine, mine… Now, now, now! Pretend I said that like Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook in the Disney movie Hook. *hehe*

It often seems that as we grow older, we not only become wiser but we tend to be undeniably self-indulged. We become a little too self-absorbed that we fail to realize how others would feel when they come face to face with us. I too, am guilty of being such. But I just can’t stand people who have nothing better to do but to yak and yak about how good they are. When you’re stuck in a conversation with them, they make it sound like they’re somehow better than you. I’ve read somewhere that if there’s something in a person that annoys you, it’s because you also recognize that annoying behavior in your self. Oh, hell no. But here’s a funny story to help me prove otherwise…

Once at a party, I was forced into conversing with our overconfident friend, Jim. I knew beforehand that he’s one of the “I love my self type”, his being self-centered just makes his head seem bigger than usual. As he began to talk, I tried nodding agreeably to everything he said about himself. I responded with my usual “Oh really? Wow!” and “you’re so lucky” lines, frustratingly more than once. I had no chance in hell of steering the conversation into another topic besides himself. All he could talk about was how he goes to the gym everyday to maintain a bod like his, how his job is the best job in the world, what kind of sports car he's planning to get next and how any girl would be so lucky to have him. blah. He went on and on... and on.

Since I had no control of it whatsoever, the chat went from bearable to simply awkward. It put my ears to sleep, but still, I pretended to listen to him, if only because it was the mature thing to do. Then out of nowhere, I started to feel my eyes getting tired. It was as if I was slowly dozing off in the middle of the conversation, which by this time I already had no idea what it was about. While I was facing Jim, my head uncontrollably nodded once or maybe twice. I realized that he was already looking at me funny. It was so embarrassing! So, I right away turned the opposite side to where my other friends stood. Thank goodness they were standing close enough for me to butt in their discussion.

*shrugs*

The next time a person talks to me and CANNOT stop bragging about him/her self, I’m hoping they’ll at least have the decency to try and sound I don’t know… livelier or less freaking boring. It might even save both of us from embarrassing moments like this.

On New Year High

2008-01-10T23:27:00.001-05:00

The New Year 2007 will be a great year, I know it! It might even be better than the previous year, or the year before that. We’ll never know. I don’t have any resolutions this time, just uncertainties of what’s to come. But even with the ambiguity of life itself, we always have this strange confidence within us that will never go away. It’s the feeling that whatever comes our way will not hold us back from what we truly deserve. This year let’s just go for it. We’ll probably end up being the best version of ourselves, so far.

This is a part of the entry I wrote at the start of 2007. Reading that post blew me away, I'm inspired all over again, so to speak. When I wrote it, I was full of good vibes to start the year right. I had the absolutely right attitude for the wonderful year ahead. It got me hyped up to write another entry. However, this may not be good enough to beat the last one but no one's competing…

I’m not the kind of person who brags about what one has achieved, what one has possessed or wherever places one has been to. Though I will say this, I will stay more than thankful for all there is to be thankful for… Like shared, kept, cherished love for my chiochio, treasured family, and good friends. I do have some resolutions for 2008 but I won’t go announcing it to the world because I know it’s going to stick on me like a wet masking tape. However, let’s just see how much longer I can keep the tape on me. hehe

I have yet to accept how the year went by so fast. How I spent it, is a whole different story that is simply beyond description. What I have right now is genuine happiness for people who matter most because last year was one of the best years for all of us. Though it had its fairly ugly moments, it has only made us stronger. The reality of it all is that we are now more equipped to handle even uglier moments at that. To say the least, I love almost everything about last year. Especially for every downright happy experience I have gained from it.

This time, I’m taking in the New Year differently. 2008 may be a better year than the last but it may possibly go bad. Oh, I hope not. We still won’t know for certain cz life is funny like that. So, instead of expecting something better to happen this year, let’s just be up for anything! Now, what we only have to do is simply be ready for it. Let’s gear up for another year where life throws brand new crazy adventures at you that’ll definitely to be all worthwhile!

Wishing you a blessed and happy 2008! Kudos!

American Holiday

2007-12-21T14:12:00.001-05:00

I knew that the term Merry Christmas is gone or nearly gone when I discussed about it openly with some of the people I worked with. It was Starbucks that first made me realize how politically correct it was to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" to customers. Oddly enough, I really have nothing against saying the former or even to be said the latter. As Filipinos, I guess we were just used to saying "Merry Christmas", "Maligayang Pasko", or "Maayong Pasko" during this jolly season. What is surprising to me is that people here in America tend to treat this issue as a very big deal, a controversy if i may say. We have no choice but to be influenced by the "nobleness" of the politically correct.

My friend Lez told me about her encounter with a rude customer after having served her coffee. She accidentally greeted "Merry Christmas" to this one woman and she took it as a very rude and aggressive act. She spited at my friend saying, "You're not supposed to say that to customers. I myself do not celebrate Christmas, so don't you dare assume that everyone else does." Then she walked away. All my friend could do was say sorry at the woman's back while she was on her way to the door. Yes, thats how rude Americans can get sometimes. The politically correct have somewhat labeled "Merry Christmas" as cruel and intolerant and to say the least, bad manners. Which is totally BS. I will not, by all means, make some politically correct term ruin my holidays. Having the flu doesn't even stop me, let alone this.

Today, the UPS guy walked in the office and we got to talk more about this issue. I asked him, "Are you guys required to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas, too?" "Yeah, something like that." Mr. UPS Guy (what I call him) replied. "It's the more, quote unquote, religiously correct thing to say these days. Just to avoid offending people." It didn't really matter to him what he greets them, he said its about celebrating the "thought" of Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever it is you want to celebrate. As long as you celebrate the general idea of it, that'll definitely work out well. He is a pretty nice guy, that's why I enjoy talking with him. We joke around all the time. But when he asked where the mistletoe was. I teased him back saying, "Oh no, we don't believe in those." *LOL*

It's funny how different it is here when it comes to the holidays. I do agree when they say that the cold weather makes it feel more like Christmas, the gifts are better (sometimes. hehe), hot cocoa and freshly baked cookies are must haves, and its more calm compared to the rowdy celebration we have in Pinas. Although I miss the last part so much. Anyway, I can't believe that Christmas is almost here. YAY! I can't wait to give out the awesome gifts I got for the rest of the family. Also, I can't wait to badger the little cousins and tell them that Santa may probably be a woman! hahahahaha JOKE.

Think about it: Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy (and a "straight' guy at that!) could possibly pull it all off!

May you all have the happiest Holidays!

Just Older

2007-12-12T23:10:00.001-05:00

To get down to basics, I have just turned a quarter of a century year old around two weeks ago. A not so tempting reason to celebrate, at first. The thought of turning another year older, getting closer to the “marrying age”, closer to what we call the quarter life crisis; a term I’ve heard people use once or twice before, really bothered me. The idea of getting old was surreal and therefore had no use whatsoever but to get me more anxious. But I wasn’t going to make some life-altering decision just because I was turning a year old. Yeah it's true, I’m getting older. Then again I asked my self one simple question, “Who the hell isn’t?”

Then all in the name of fun I decided to throw a Pre-Birthday Pajama party for the girls. I wanted to surround myself with amazing happy people simply because I could. So, I did. Thank you to the people who came and made it a blast, thanks to those who took time sending greetings, and thanks to the happy 25 year old me who always hopes for the best and never forgets to smile. :)

It was seemingly impossible not to have fun on a night like that.

You

2007-12-10T16:07:00.001-05:00

To the man who I long to be with everyday…
The guy who makes my heart skip a beat or two when he makes me laugh…
The boy who makes me smile like silly…
The love of my life…
The one who holds my heart and never lets go…

Happy Birthday, My Bey!

Thank you for simply being born.

They're baaaacck

2007-11-20T00:09:00.001-05:00

Thank goodness, my cousins from NY came to visit again. When they were here, I started to have a life besides work. Turning down invitations to go out and drink was easy because we’d rather stay home and play monopoly or cranium until 2 in the morning. Then we’ll have midnight desserts by Chef Otto. Ooooh, the fried banana wraps with Häagen-Dazs vanilla ice cream and chocolate crepes were to die for! It was absolutely fun and pigging out was a major calorie indulgence.

Dammit, I miss you guys! Come back for Christmas or else I’ll starve. hehehe

One of Otto's creation.

The kids all grown up.

Running Stop

2007-11-19T22:27:00.001-05:00

I’ve been meaning to stop. But I simply can’t. Ever since I got back more than a month ago, all I could think about is getting the first plane ticket out of here and go back to where my real home is. I had the most wonderful time there, with the family, friends and especially with the boyfriend. But in reality, I’m stuck here living the post vacation life. Yes, it takes me this long to get over it.

At first it was hard, with the constant attacks of homesickness, waking up in a lost groggy state not knowing exactly what time it is, finding myself in tears whenever I listen to songs on iTunes, whining like a mad woman over the phone with Ian, and not wanting to get out of bed or worse, go back to work. The mere thought of it gave shivers down my spine.

I miss everything that I can’t stop myself from missing it more and more each day. I miss Ian, I miss sneaking kisses, I miss walking and holding hands, I miss morning hugs, I miss hearing my niece and nephew sing Michael Bublé songs, I miss my big huggable Mng Chaz, I miss cracking up jokes with my hilarious Mng Tater, I miss Takoy’s cooking, I miss talking with friends over coffee and sweets, I miss waking up in the noisy house, I miss Mama Kiting’s shouting, and I miss the old Dumaguete fun. Then again, the last thing I want to do is write a sad entry tonight. So, let me snap out of this depressed mode and I’ll be with you in just one second.

Here I am! :)

Ok, I’ve been here in the valley this entire time. It has been a month and 12 days, to be exact. Done nothing but drown myself in work for weeks. No wonder some of my friends haven’t seen me in the longest time ever. They actually have to visit me at work just to know that I still exist. Either that or they’ll have to pick me up from the house and drag my fat ass out in public. Or they’ll find me hiding in my room munching on Cream Os and burying myself in a book. Good gahd, have I turned boring?? ;)

Lived it. Loveeeeet!

2007-10-19T23:51:00.001-05:00

Hong Kong was simply amazing. I lost count of how many times I did ooohhs and aaaahhs throughout the whole trip. And the best part of it all was being with my Ian, the best, most loved travel buddy I could ever have. Thanks to his uncanny sense of direction, we never got lost in the modern metropolis. We experienced HK’s unique living culture and absolutely loved it. Ian seriously thinks we can live there forever. He insists there’s something about that place that gives him inner strength. Believe me, it sounds so cute when he says it. As for me, jetlag kept gaining up on me especially when my system thought it was still on central time. I kept on taking power naps near the end of the day but thank god for the fantastic street markets which were open until 2 in the morning and the 24/7 restaurants all around the city. I felt so touristy taking too many pictures of all sorts of things from pretty street lights to the lone Chinese mime lost in the crowd. No wonder my camera slowly broke down the second day we were there. But camera or no camera, we still had a blast.

Hong Kong is said to be one of the safest cities in the world, even at night. We stayed at Tsim Sha Tsui in Kowloon, the heart of the city, so we weren’t too far from the major sights and most of all SHOPPING. We walked around the city almost all of the time and enjoyed a lot of great sites. With the help of their excellent transportation system (MTR) and my excellent tour guide boyfriend, we were hopping in and out of trains to tourist sites instantly. What bothered me a little was when the boyfriend would try and trick me. He would hide behind other people in the middle of the rush or joke about not getting in the same train I was in. He’d stop in the middle of the train doors and slowly step back and forth, teasing me. It scared me like crazy, every time! HAHA. If he actually did that for real, I’ll hate him for ever but I think I would be confident enough to know my way back to the hotel (I think. *shivers*). Haha!

To mention the food, oh the fooooooood! We had our fair share of authentic Chinese food. And it was scrumptious! From suckling pig, duck noodles, stirred fried beef noodles, coconut-mango jelly fruit shakes with real mango on top, fresh-off-the-street dimsum, real Chinese iced tea, to sweet mini bread they sell in the streets, everything was YUMMY. It was a huge shocker how my stomach handled all the food.

We went to so many places in a matter of days but my favorite was our adventure to Victoria’s Peak which was, without a doubt, incredibly breathtaking. It was as if we were on top of the world (shouting like Jack in Titanic *haha*). They also had Ian’s favorite gelatio ice cream at the tower we were at. I was ridiculously exhausted, cranky and jetlagged that time but my Ian took such good care of me and made it one of the most romantic nights of the trip. Thank you so much, my baby!

All in all, for a couple who haven’t seen each other for approximately nine months straight, we did pretty good. We went straight back to our normal selves in no time, having fun like crazy and being silly as always. It was an awesome trip and I would go back to HK with my Ian in a heartbeat. So if you’re planning to visit Hong Kong in the near future, I’d very much recommend it. Amazing sites are definitely worth seeing. Shopping is complete retail therapy. And the food is unbelievable. Just make sure to bring a considerable amount of pocket money, comfortable footwear, at least one extra piece of luggage for emergency shopping space, an empty stomach and a full heart ready for romance like ours. :)

happyness

2007-10-01T20:51:00.001-05:00

Around here, I'm in the company of my family, friends and most of all love. With access to unlimited supply of hugs, I find happiness where I stand. So, practically I'm now basking in bliss and plenitude. I don't want to stop. When life's too short to waste time on over thinking things, I don't dare imagine what it'd be like if i lived life on my own. This time, its another chance in life. An opportunity to experience real happiness again. Whenever this happens, when an opportunity comes, i don't question it. I grab it, drop it's ring on the nightstand and swing at it till dawn. hahaha!

Seriously, what's important to me now is that I'm with my Ian again and we're back to our happy silly selves once more. We're stuck in this crazy thing we call love where you can't stop yourself from smiling nor dancing in the middle of the room. Oh yea, my family's here too and we're starting to scare people by being the group of crazies we're always known to be. Of course with the considerable emotional damage afterwards. This may only be for a limited and agonizing amount of time but we're loving it, every single bit.

A person may not deserve all this. Yet one can only give a lifetime of thanks....

I wouldn't have it any other way.

She's off it.

2007-09-06T00:39:00.001-05:00

Finally, I have days off. Off from work and off from the mundane routine. In the longest running time, I’ve had the chance to stay in bed a little longer in the mornings, do my laundry on time, fold my clothes right after drying them, vacuum, arrange my stuff (although I’m still in the middle of organized chaos), read a book, do some meaningful shopping, and pay the bills. Well, not all of my bills just yet. I still cannot believe that I now have time to sit back and relax, even for only a day. loveeeeett!

Maybe this is the reason why I haven’t been writing the past few weeks. I guess it was too much work, cramped up schedules, stressful weekends and maybe, just maybe… too much partying? I wish. Nothing new has happened, really. I’ve shared some quality time with the boyfriend, got my hair trimmed thus keeping the bangs, went to the beach with the girls, took lots of pictures, went out with friends, drank a bit, hung out with the cousins, played wii, ran until I felt the raindrops on my lips before I almost got sick, had a bit too much retail therapy and enjoyed home cooked meals with the whole family. Simple as it sounds, this is what you get in this neck of the woods. It’s more or less what I call home.

I used to have panic attacks dealing with what they call the twenty-something crisis. I’ve dealt with it and decided to just let things happen. Why bother worrying when worrying is like a rocking chair, the more you worry, the more you rock. The more you rock in place, it still doesn’t get you anywhere. See, I’m the kind of person who usually doesn't like thinking about the future. I guess you can say I’m a naturally lazy person who doesn’t care how things happen as long as I don't have to do them. Let’s just say, I’m carelessly weird and I like it that way.

Sometimes, the thing you didn't expect the most is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is stop figuring out where you're going and just enjoy where you're at.

add-on craziness

2007-08-24T09:24:00.001-05:00

I received overwhelming news from the other side of the world yesterday. One of my best closest friends finally revealed her “anonymous” blog to me. And I’m so glad… no, ecstatic… that I now have access to it.

When I got there, I blocked out from the corporate world and hurriedly read her posts. All of it! *blush* I was reading so close to the computer screen just so the back of my chair would hide my sneakiness. Exactly how I imagine my friend would do so. It’s funny how she’s one of the special people in my life who would always talk me into blogging every so often. She sometimes nags when it takes me a tad too long to update the blog. :P (oh admit it, you do!) She’s my so-called nagging motivation and my inspiration to do crazy things. I guess I can always count on her to interpret my everyday madness into normal sanity. Better yet, her scrutiny gradually turns into loving acceptance.

Anyhoo, I love her posts. They remind me so much of how we would think on the same level of freakiness, anytime of the day. The kind of level that would scare the bejesus out of me but I’ll still go on raving about it for hours. I remember talking to the boyfriend about her and he would just nod his head at me. That’s the time he’ll think that I’d probably leave him for her in the near future. Haha. Just kidding. Good thing (GOOD thing!) she’s already committed because I’d be called a home wrecker if I try to take her away from her husband. HAH!

Oh, I love my personal shrink.

His Turn

2007-07-26T23:21:00.001-05:00

Dearest girlfriend (if you still allow it),

As I write to you, this letter still doesn't have a subject...I guess hopefully it will just come out sooner or later… We have been together for about more than 2 years...we shared a lot of happy moments, SUPER happy moments, and the not so happy moments.. But to me all these moments with you are moments that I treasure the most… I keep them in the deepest safest place in my heart so no one can take it away from me… as you are so important to me as all our moments put together...I guess its not so appropriate for me to sing (I'd rather have bad times with you than good times with someone else..) and I know you'll find it sooooo corny… to be honest its what my heart is dying to say to you..

I don’t know where I am right now in your life... I don’t know if I will still wake up every morning thanking God that you’re mine. I don’t know what tomorrow would bring me. It’s scary alright but what I am sure of is my feelings for you… what I am sure of is the love that I share with you… what I am sure of is my heart belongs to you...and I've never been so sure in my entire life but this...

I guess what I am trying to say is that I simply LOVE you… Please stay with me..

Loving you always,

Ian T. Chio

Then Mine

This letter was from one Thursday in May. Reading it again makes me smile and reminds me how happy I have been throughout the years. I think to myself, one person can only do so little to prove the greatness of love. It leaves me to my thoughts and makes me marvel on life’s funny mishaps which I am truly thankful for. We both have been through a lot yet all I can do is smile some more. Because nothing has really changed. You are still the reason for my strength and the reason behind this silly smile on my face.

It has been another year, we have grown so much yet we never grew apart. We have learned a lot, we even learned too much about each other. We fight for the same love and still, nothing can stop us. I loved you then and I will go on loving you until forever.

I sit here and think of the days we have spent together. I am amazed as to how the days have turned into months and the months have slowly turned into years. I think of those wonderful moments we have shared and the moments to look forward to. Moments that only you and I can understand why it is special, simply as it is.

Happy 3^rd Birthday to us, bey.

I love you too much.

Big Cup of Crazy

2007-07-20T17:25:00.001-05:00

Last Saturday was a good shift at the café. Despite the floating feeling I had throughout the day, it was strange to share the same feeling with everybody else. When you’re feeling crappy and don’t want to be left alone, it surprises you that there's so many people out there who feel exactly the same way. And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is one disturbing fact for me. I was awfully lazy, tired, sleepy and was not in the mood for work.

Our team lead big Mikey was there. “Everyone wants to be like Mike,” so he says. Whenever he does say that all I want to do is shout, “I doh wanna!” And run out the door. I didn’t do that this time, of course. I thought to myself, here's a guy who admits that he once accidentally slept while standing up. He was the one who called while I was opening because he lost his big tub of protein powdered drink the night before. He even forgets where he puts his other stuff after he passes out in the locker room for a quick nap. This isn't really a guy you want to be remotely alike with. “Nope, me not likey wanna be like Mikey.” Sorry.

As for my good friend Tina, she was still her downright funny self even after a night of booze and partying. She’s so funny when she talks about the guys she dated and how she has a thing for older men with big noses. It's freaky, I know. “You know what they say about guys with big noses,” I’m such a tease. “Hhmmm.. That they probably use up more kleenex when they sneeze?” “Or they need bigger fingers to pick their noses?” Tina cracks me up. She just can’t stand it when guys she used to date would walk in on her at work. “Zai, I hate that they keep coming in on me like that!” “Really now? Coming in or “COMING” in on you?” I sneered at her. We kill each other with these kind of jokes, every time.

Steph the bee-atch worked that day, too. She burst in on us thirty minutes before her shift and it was a riot. This girl just stood there making fun of anything that moves. She had with her some sort of fruit malt and tried to offer it to us, “Does anyone want the rest of it? The blackberry, cream and soda combination is making me sick.” “Way to lure us with that tempting offer, Stephy.” No one in the right mind would take that drink. “I do, I do!!” Who else would want that ugly drink but big Mike? That was just gross.

It felt like we were floating the whole time at work. It got a little out of hand. First, I forgot to set the timer on the oven and most probably have burned down the entire store. The rest of us were misplacing the markers, dropping cups like crazy, marking it like we had our own alien code for the drinks and not to mention losing track of time. The café wasn’t a total disaster that day. We didn’t do much damage, thank gahd. We were just floating on the clouds while we were at it. Dag nabbit, we all had our own excuse as to why we were acting up. Mike was tired from working too much, Tina was hung over, while I was just plain sleepy from a busy night out. Steph had the best excuse of all. She’s pregnant. At least we had our reasons good for only a day, she’s stuck with hers for the whole nine months. So, when she was defending herself we shut our mouths and nod agreeably. Especially when she said her enormous boobs were hurting like hell. It was gigantic but I couldn't look away.

If Kenny were working that day, he would’ve been the best ice breaker and suggest his “someone call out a funny word” game and he'll yell out “PICKLE!” I, on the other hand, most definitely would not pick that word. I would rather shout “banana hammock!”

It scares me how I've become an even bigger dork than I ever was. All because of the café.

Note to self. When you’ve gotten use to something you love, it’s kind of hard to let go. It’s even harder when it doesn’t want to let go of you. I’ve been at the café for over two years now and I amaze myself on how much this place has been a part of me. This may be one of my last few café related entries. I'm really going to miss this place…

Pick a fight, any fight.

2007-07-12T15:17:00.001-05:00

He’s just too much. I feel as though my head’s going to burst when I talk to him. It’s the same issues, same arguments, and same lines, over and over again. Is this what they call the 3-year itch? I heard about the 7-year itch with married couples but this is ridiculous.

I do love the boyfriend with every bit of my heart but sometimes it’s just too much. I want to run away whenever there’s the slightest chance of an argument. I want to escape whenever I feel cornered. When I can sense that I might come across any sign of those agonizing fights, I cringe. He tells me that it’s all a part of the relationship. If you want it to work, you need to work hard to keep it. But why do I resist confrontation? Does this mean I’m still immature when it comes to love? Does this mean I get annoyed easily? Or does this mean I’m just changing like crazy? I’m afraid this might get out of control and I may not know how to react with his nagging anymore.

Though I’m happy that there’s only 13 more days before our anniversary, I’m in total panic. Oh my, how time flies. First it starts off with you spending hours and hours talking over the phone, winning each other’s affection. The next thing you know, you’re stuck in a heated discussion with infuriating insights. Then *POOF*, you’ve been together for 3 long years!

Its funny how we’re at each other's throats counting down the days until the 26th. We end up laughing and giggling at the petty stuff sometimes. Even after the aggravating fights. He says I absolutely know how to pull strings when it comes to him. But I also know how to push his buttons. No wonder why we fight.

Crazy as it sounds, that’s exactly how we are. Annoying as it seems, it pretty much is.

Negative Reflection

2007-07-02T18:22:00.001-05:00

I talked to my friend Jaja last week only to find out that she was in a car accident, too. It was around the same time of our car crash. Although I am grateful that she was out of harm's way when it happened, it was coincidentally weird that that was all we could talk about. I feel sorry for the guy on the motorcycle who smashed into their car, bleeding because he was shot twice at a bar nearby. As Jaja described what had happened, I was shocked how unsafe our gentle city has turned out to be.

Denise also shared some bad news from home last night. Someone broke into her parents’ house while they were out walking the dog at 8 o’clock in the evening. The culprits took all her mom’s jewelry including a number of ATM cards. They also went through her old room for more things to take with them. I’ve heard too many stories about break-ins and other related violence going on back home that I am left appalled. The thought of it leaves me in dismay as to where we really stand in the world. Can we go on thinking that the world will sooner or later be a better place to live in? Or are we better off thinking its only going to get worst?

I read an article on CNN last week about a car crash in New York. I couldn’t help but be affected by the tragic loss of the families involved. What scares me is that I now have a slight idea of what went through the victims’ minds before they slowly lost grasp of the life ahead of them. And that gives me by far the most unimaginable chills up and down my spine. When I come across small bumps on the road or hear the sound of rubber screeching while I'm behind the wheel, I still get nervous. It’s still in there. I wonder when it will ever go away.

Believe me, the wounds are healing little by little, the bruises are turning back to normal color, but the uneasiness is still there. Sometimes I think, maybe I should have gone through worst for me to get going and have my life's perspective change. When I’m out, I act as if nothings wrong and I pretend to be the same when I’m not. For me, it all boils down to one thought. It happened. But I am still at the very same spot I was before it did.

I guess when your mind is elsewhere, you can’t make out what is right in front of you.

June 23, 2007

2007-06-25T19:30:00.001-05:00

We almost died last Saturday morning. Our trip started with us on the road at a quarter past two in the morning. Expressway 281 was bound for hours of rain showers and mist. Darkness from the night still embraced its emptiness. We were cracking jokes and filling the car with excitement and laughter as we began the drive. Little did we know, those laughs were slowly fading away. Before we knew it, the next sound we would hear were the echoing of our own screams. We all shared one fear. It was the fear of not getting out of it alive.

I can still recall everything. I can still hear it over and over in my head. I can still hear the screams from my friends sitting in the back of the car, shouting, panicking, and telling each other to stay calm when it was clearly impossible to do so. I was there, sitting at the front passenger seat the entire time.

Too dark to see where we were. Too late to realize the car was already off the asphalt road and into the dirt. We lost control of the wheel. We swerved too much while off the pavement. We tried to steer the car back on the road. The car almost tipped over but it didn't. The next thing I saw was the cement construction barrier heading for us. Waiting for us to smash into it, head first. And we did. I thought that was the worst it could get. We thought it was all over. Seconds later, we felt an incredible crash. The feeling of metal to metal crashing into each other was horrifying. It felt like the smash on the right side of the car was going to tear us into pieces. We could hear the screech of rubber against the asphalt road. Our bodies were swaying from left to right, our heads banging against the airbag curtains. By the time of the third crash, we didn’t know where and what hit us. We were like frightened little kids, left under the rain, in pain, trapped, disoriented, and lost. It scared the living daylights out of us.

I checked on the others to see if any of us were hurt. But all I could hear were my friends screaming each other’s names, shouting apologies, and rambling panic attacks. My head was in so much pain that I thought it was bleeding. I could not feel my legs. I looked for my brother to see if he was ok. I saw his face and I wanted to cry.

We heard my brother shout, then we panicked some more. I heard him calling out Choi’s name and telling him to stay awake. I heard Ailene call out her brother’s name, shouting and shouting, telling him to breathe. I heard April saying sorry to my brother over and over again. I heard Kurt telling us to call 911. So, I did.

The doors were jammed shut. We couldn’t get out of the car. I rolled down the window and climbed out to call Ian on my phone, crying and panicking under the rain. I too could hear the panic in my boyfriend’s voice as he was asking me if we were alright. Seconds after that, the police and the paramedics came to help us. They brought us to the Edinburg Regional Medical Center.

June 23rd was the scariest day of our lives. One death-defying experience that we will never find ourselves to forget. For at the midst of this crude reality, we almost lost our lives. But with all miracles, we are truly thankful we survived.

Thank you, Lord.

Tagged Weirdness

2007-06-20T17:53:00.001-05:00

I got tagged thanx to kat. This was really fun. Too bad i can't tag more people. lol

Some weird things about me:

I absolutely love chocolates and sweets PERIOD. Resistance is futile to me whether I’m PMSing or not. There’s really nothing weird about it, eh? But here goes. When I eat chocolates, I love eating it with salty foods. And my weirdest most favorite combo… Chocolates and fish! *ding ding ding*
I need to know what time it is, all the time. I get disoriented if I don’t know the time, so I look at it every 10-15 minutes. And its very inconvenient for me right now since I misplaced/lost/broke my watch some time ago (hehe).
I rarely take naps. But when I do, I need to be covered with soft pillows from head to toe in order for me to start an hour or two-power nap. If I don’t get my comfy covers, I just lay there with my eyes closed but I’m actually awake the whole time.
When napping, I drool. Only when it’s a nap. Not when I’m sound asleep at night. (See: #3)
I always have a mental list on what to bring or do for the day. Too many plans, if I may say. Then when I’m in a hurry to go out of the house, I tend to forget about 50% of the entire list. Or I get too lazy to do stuff at the end of the day. For example, I psych myself to bring a book with me before running out the door. Then I’ll picture myself picking up the book and putting it in my purse. When I get to the office or anywhere else, I realize that I forgot the book on the table. *Wekwekwek*
Lastly, I tiptoe when I pee.

I don’t know if you guys are actually gonna do this… oh, what the heck.

Tag, you’re it: Jadey, Ritzie, Blanca, Dee, Bambi, and April.

On The House

2007-06-10T01:24:00.000-05:00

It was a busy day at the café. People were rushing for their weekend coffee yet it never really got to us how busy we could get. The day was too good to let anything stop us. First of all, Cheryl was there. Dorky as she can get, it’s always a pleasant shift with that cool gal. Star was also there humming The Muppets “Mahna Mahna” song half of the time and ranting about how Elton John can be so influential to people.

“To all gay people, yes he is.” So I said.

“You’re just surrounded with dorks today, aren’t you zai?” Cheryl joked.

“You guys wear it like a badge. It’s killing me that I’m enjoying this cz I’m also a dork at heart.” I agreed with the girls after talking about how we miss The Ghostbusters and the Stay Puff Mashmallow man. *hehe*

Dani looked like crap as she felt sore from her astonishing crash workout the day before. The manager sent her home early after feeling pity for the poor little sore French-speaking kook from Columbia. We found her wiping the phone with the blue rag while she was on it talking groggy to Jessie.

“You’re one crazy girl, Dani. Such an OC neat freak!” I spat at her.

“Well, since I’m already there I might as well clean it.” She smiles and jerks as if the muscles on her face feel sore, too. So, she really had to go.

Speaking of Dani. She was the one who teased me when I prevented a costumer from getting extra cream cheese for free. I can’t just give out free stuff like that. I don’t want to get in trouble.

“You’re such a dork, zai. It’s just cream cheese.” She assured me after we printed out the receipt.

“Well, maybe next time I’ll be nice.”

So, today's the day to give a customer a break and add in a free item too. He was a middle aged man, wearing a black polo shirt and was ordering a plain bagel. He asked for extra cream cheese while he waited for his cup of joe over at the bar. I handed him the goods and smiled.

"How much do I owe you?” He asked.

“No, don’t worry about it. It’s on the house.”

“Well, thanks little lady.” Ugh. And there goes that line again. Shit.

I was a little pissed off by his comment but at least he was nice enough to come back and order another round of coffee. And this time, he left more than a tip in the jar.

“I woke up in Africa one morning and shot an elephant in my pajamas.

How I got into my pajamas, I have no idea.”

He added in a joke. I actually laughed at the most harmless none offending puti joke, ever. What a relief. Whenever I hear jokes like that, I giggle out of common courtesy. Or I may just laugh and pretend I got the joke when I really didn’t. Ssshhhh..

Left Unsaid

2007-06-07T00:22:00.001-05:00

I want to write tonight. The quiet wind outside slowly whispers my name. It tells me to write about the stillness of the day. Today, I was simply hushed with this single thought in mind.

I envy people who have been so strong in handling different kinds of losses. Those who have prepared themselves with what they might face in their lives. Those are the people who can truly say they can handle whatever life throws at them. What they taught me is that you have to go on with life, no matter what. What I admire and long for the most is their strength.

It is not easy to lose someone you have loved your whole life. It is undeniably harder to go on living without that special person who brightens up each day. Yet you have to accept whatever life brings you, and whatever it takes from you. Even if it causes you much pain and sorrow. In the end, it makes you realize that the love you have shared is irreplaceable and will simply last you a lifetime. The legacy your loved one has left you will be your reason to stand proud, be thankful for each day, to seize it, and live it like it was your last. I guess life’s profundity is not about mourning the death of someone you love but celebrating life and how one lived it.

These are probably just words that I was longing to say but could not say it. These were the emotions inside me that kept me silent and never really dared me to express it. Words I truly mean but did not have the courage to share them. These were the things I left unsaid. Now, they are my words written.

Fin.

Blast

2007-06-03T03:49:00.001-05:00

I never got to thank the people responsible for making the month of May so unforgettable for me. To think, it's already the first week of June right now. teehee. Oh well, better late than never.

Florida was absolutely a blast. Thanks to the outrageous cousin Dabs and one of the coolest grade school slash high school batch mate Charm who showed me around their turf. To Dabs, thanks for taking care of me during the whole duration of my stay. She made sure I ate right and slept in the most comfy pajamas ever. Damn it, I miss her delicious pasta alfredo and burger steak with mushroom sauce, BIG TIME. Also, thanks to my dear loud cousin who knew someone with the same LT charger as I did since I forgot mine back in Texas on the day of my flight. I got to revive my Compaq soul mate 2 days after I got to Orlando. Silly forgetful me. To Charm, my shopping buddy and all-time favorite dancing buddy, thanks for calling in sick with food poisoning only to spend an awesome hot Saturday with me and Shamu. HAHA. She said she has never called in sick before, but she dared to do it for me. Now I feel so special! I can’t wait for the next reunion when you girls file an actual vacation leave in time. LOL I miss you and I love you lots chikas!

Big shout outs to Matt for the Pleasure Island Club hookups and never ending funny stories, Ramsey for the ride and el Domican Republic Spanish translation ("ala una mi eroplano maniana"), Isabel for the Dutch version Sophie Kinsella series overview, Ron the adobo boy for hooking us up with mad discounts at Sea World and of course cooking dinner for the us girls at the end of the day. Also, to my boy JP for the chaka trash talks, funny angst and nonstop laugh trips for half a night (it was a short one but it was hellavu fun!).

I wonder what our next adventure will be…

Gasp

2007-05-27T23:34:00.000-05:00

I was walking along inside the local grocery store on my first or second day with this look and there were two guys and a girl in the aisle where the cereals were. The parental units were at that same aisle bringing along our shopping cart with them. So, I walked to the parentals with the rest of the stuff I picked up from the snack food aisle. As I went past the three people who were so loud, I overheard them talking. They were arguing about which cereal box to pick, Captain Crunch or Fruit Loops. I looked at them with a little smirk on my face. They were talking about how Fruit Loops are too sweet and immature because of the talking Toucan. They said they’d rather have a human on the box than a bird or worst, a Leprechaun. And it got me thinking, "Two grown men and a woman fighting over cereal? That’s absurd." I glanced at them with the four bottles of Snapple with me and went on my merry way.

“Oh shut up,” the woman yelled at one of the grown men.

“Now look what you did. You scared the little girl!”

I looked at both my left and right-hand sides and there was no sight of any other customers near me. Gosh darn it. I rolled my eyes in dismay. Ladies and gentlemen, they thought I was a little girl. I was just too embarrassed.

Pahibalo

2007-04-19T00:20:00.000-05:00

Yes, I’m still alive. I really didn’t have any blog-worthy entries to post these past few months. It’s because I didn’t want to share my own frustrations, ramblings, worries and the like. I’m sure you all have minimal dosage of madness in life’s funny tragedies. This time, all I want is to talk about everyday life. Making sure it wouldn’t sound as if it was another episode from a drama series. So, I decided once and for all, to avoid steering entries into a paean to one’s self. Unlike some people I know... This time it’s all about my favorite people in the world. The people whose company my heart longs for every single day.

You know the feeling when you’re so far away from people you love? You want to talk to them every day while you’re millions of miles away. There are times when all you want to do is keep track of the latest updates of your friends’ lives. Just so you won’t feel so left out and forgotten. Sometimes all you need for your day to be a little brighter is the feeling that your long missed friends will always be there for you when you need them the most, or when you don’t need them but they’re just there to bug you until you crack.

Today was the exaggeration to the phrase “keeping in touch.” This morning, the boyfriend called me up at the office and he started making my day a little brighter. We found a way to sidestep those skyrocketing long distance call rates. Now, there isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t hear from each other. It just gets me all the more hyped up and giddy in love with that guy named Ian T. Chio! From here on, I’m sure there’ll be more of our usual petty but cute little wrangles. Our nonsense bickering only makes it more fun staying in love, and to love each other like carefree kids is oh so indescribable. The more sweet quarrels and fuss we share on a daily basis, the more snorts i get from the boyfriend. And that sound is probably the cutest thing in the world for me! *sigh*

One of my best girlfriends stayed online the whole time I was. This happens almost each day of the week. The time difference and the fact that we’re both on opposite sides of the earth doesn’t even stop us from venting out on each other. We talk our brains out whenever it’s not too toxic at work. We’ll find ourselves smiling at the computer screens, giggling all by ourselves, and have people look at us like we’re nuts. Then that’ll apparently be our cue to go back to serious work.

At the end of the day, I got gaga sharing gossip and exchanging text messages to friends who never forget your international roaming number. And who don’t complain about the charge per message. There’s just something about getting international text messages that makes it feel so special. Since the message traveled a gazillion light years to get to your phone. It doesn’t even matter if the only content of the message was a meazling “hoi!” or a long awaited “chika?” It sure does make you want to stay close to your phone for the next hour or so.

Nobody would want to miss out on a call from another one of your favorite people in the world. Especially after your run, when you’re out of breath but still find yourself blabbing away for 2 hours. Not caring about those off-peak or peak hours only makes you one of the biggest, most careless, happy lollygagger in the entire universe. When it comes to girlfriends chatting on the phone, nothing can stop us. Having friends work for telecommunication companies does have its advantages. Glorious free calls until you drop.

Until now when I’m writing this entry, when I’m almost about to sleep and end my day, I’m still badgering one of my favorite persons in the world. Whether they’re busy at work or just slacking off, I love spending time with them. Like this one person who works for a high-end American company and who’s on a web-based professional software so she can stalk me with her exceptional sarcasm. We attack each other with our vital everyday cynicism only to get those loving rants out of our system. That’s how our freaky friendship is. No wonder why I love that girl too much!

Aaawwhh, I miss my loved ones! I was never the “I love you”-saying friend when I was back home. There’s something about being away from your loved ones that make you want to say it every chance you get. Now I say it all the time and to all my friends back home, even if I shock them by sounding too mushy and cheesy. It’s because I miss them like hell. I miss you guys so much! You have no idea.

Life may not be as perfect as you want it to be. But somehow, my life has its own little version of perfection. It might be incomparable to your life. I’m sure anybody on their end feels the same way. The best things in life are free. Totally free! Thanks to YM, AOL, AIM, Meebo, VOip, Chikka, Skype and not to mention call center companies in third world countries.

Coffee Talk

2007-01-22T00:23:00.000-05:00

It gets pretty loud in the café sometimes that you can barely hear anything when you’re behind the espresso machine. The steamer shrieks of that annoyingly hissing sound, baristas sing orders to the heavens and everybody else gabs along the lobby contributing to the millions of sound waves roving around the room. That’s the time when we can laugh about the little details that truly make our day. Without anyone hearing us, of course.

The customer says, “Oh, can you make it with extra Whip?”
We reply, “Sure thing!” But whispers on the side, “We might as well feed you lard then.”

“Make it as Chocolate-ty as you can!”
Silently I mutter, “As if the caffeine won’t get you? Here goes your suicide drink.”

“Add extra pumps of sweetener please, I have a deadly sweet tooth.”
We nudge on each other’s side, “Isn’t diabetes deadly enough for you?”

This last one is a total riot, the ever so perfect “calling” in life. The purpose of your life, so to speak. We couldn't stop laughing after this incident. It’s just the thing for those soul-searchers who need some direction in life….

The customer politely asks, “You’ll call out my order under my name, right?”

“Definitely, we’ll holler when it’s ready.” I said. Then I write his name on the cup. I told Shelly to shout out the order once it’s done because I just couldn’t dare do it.

She replies, “I can’t either, for crying out loud zai I’m Catholic AND I speak Spanish!”

Someone had to do it, so I did.

With my head up and proud, I shouted…

“One tall drip coffee for JESUS!”

“Thanks.” The guy picks up his coffee, nods his head from side to side as if about to giggle and gives me a friendly sweet smile before walking away.

“It’s pronounced Hey-Sus, zai.” Shelly said.

“It spelled J-E-S-U-S, sounds the same to me. Now we know He drinks coffee, the world must be too stressful.”

"AMEN."

And I blushed.

** I need to apologize to all of my friends who drop by for a quick hello. It’s my fault that I never get to notice you guys right away. I easily get my hands full. But as you see, I’m the same old hyper friend wherever I’m at. You just have to holler at the side of the bar when you’re there. And quit making fun of me saying that I make good use of my hyper activity for a change.

2007! wooohooo!

2007-01-12T00:46:00.001-05:00

I’m here again, talking to anyone who dares to listen. I’ve had a very full and amazing 2006 but this time, it’s going to get even better. I never really wanted to say goodbye to year 2006. And I have numerous reasons for feeling this way. A friend of mine once told me that it’s not at all about saying goodbye to the past year. It’s more on being thankful for what you went through or more importantly, what you survived. It’s about letting go and moving on to the next chapter in your life. If it really means that the next chapter would be another year, so be it.

2006 has been one of the best years of my life for some weird reason. Let me enlighten you a bit though. There were those times when you feel like you’ve drowned in the pits of corporate slavery, yet you swam for shore without screaming for help. When you’ve stayed up long hours with people who try to belittle you with their meanness but did not succeed, you come home with your head high and soul soaring. After the day seemed so long, you go out, enjoy and dance the night away. When you get exhausted from a quiet week of randomness, you spend the weekend with loud spontaneous friends. And when you think you’ve been apart for too long, you will always deserve that 3-week vacation with the love of your life. The whole year was definitely time well spent.

The New Year 2007 will be a great year, I know it! It might even be better than the previous year, or the year before that. We’ll never know. I don’t have any resolutions this time, just uncertainties of what’s to come. But even with the ambiguity of life itself, we always have this strange confidence within us that will never go away. It’s the feeling that whatever comes our way will not hold us back from what we truly deserve. This year let’s just go for it. We’ll probably end up being the best version of ourselves, so far.

Happy New Year to all! Kudos!

Perfect Day on Sweater Season

2006-11-17T17:35:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a day I could not forget. The weather was just right, bright and sunny like an ideal summer’s day yet the air was cool and crisp that you could savor the first signs of winter. Slowly, everything fell into place. The day was too lovely to curse on so I just made it go on with its little bits of detail.

I wanted to rot in bed the whole morning because it was too cold to start being productive for the day. Nevertheless, I got out of bed and started my day right. I took a long hot shower while my phone beeped like crazy of morning txts from the boyfriend. I grabbed a bite to eat and left for work. Of course, I got to the office late but it didn’t matter because nothing could ruin the beautiful day ahead of me. I started on small tasks while at my desk and then I felt the first little tingle from the series of surprises I was about to face. It was another reason to ruin the day, but I fixed that little problem after a few minutes of major PMSing. Haha. When I got home, I got into a quick clash with the mother. It ended well and I felt guilty but then again that’s normal when it comes to us. So, the normal day continued as lovely as should be. My head was high in the clouds even when it was heavy with confusion, disappointment and lots of petty personal frustrations. This shouldn’t get me down, I thought to myself at that time. Actually, nothing could. It was quite ironic how strong I felt but I still needed a lot of comfort from other people. I pestered the boyfriend in the middle of his sleep, sent desperate messages to tiw, bothered jadey while she was at work, and vented out with tatchie even when she had training. I needed my loved ones near, fast. Maybe I was just confused or better yet, I was just confusing myself.

There was something about yesterday that really made me look for a friend. I was in dire need of assurance. I wanted a good slap in the face telling me that I was just being paranoid. There was something about yesterday that made me want to leave work early. There was something about yesterday that made me feel like there was something that was bound to happen, good or bad. Then, nothing could ever compare to driving home and finding a huge surprise for you waiting at the door. There was my friend, hiding behind the car after getting out of it thinking that I would never suspect. But I saw them and I screamed my lungs out. It was a good day and an ironic one at that.

First this. Next is thanksgiving with the relatives right around the corner, and then I’m going back to the homeland the next day. What else can I ask for? Nothing. Finally, the long wait will come to an end. After traveling millions and millions of miles, I will be blissfully and completely happy again.

I just can’t wait.

More than you think.

2006-11-08T02:04:00.000-05:00

Thanks to a cup of coffee on a night without the pressure of working out, the hassle of what to wear, the vanity of how or who you should look like, I have realized what matters the most. It is the time you spent at home with the whole family.

The rest of my family, like myself, is having a night of what we called personal indulgence. I am here with a macchiato on my right, pampering my soul with some of my favorite chocolates, sitting comfortably on the floor, in front of the tube, typing my thoughts on this little virtual notebook. Dad is on the couch with a cold Budweiser by his side and will doze off when the news is on. Mommy is on the other couch enjoying her coffee frappuccino before her nightly wash. And the brother is in the bathroom doing his most awaited thing after a good meal. Sometimes it’s disappointing to think that we neglect this kind of nights in our life. We have to admit we do have a good number of nights like this. Instead of sharing a couch with one of your parents, you’d rather be in your own room and enjoy “your” thinking time. Instead of talking to someone about your latest frustration, you sleep it off and hope the next day you can duck and cover from that same frustration. This time, I won’t let it happen.

I remember feeling so apart from the real world about a month ago. I was too naïve thinking that no one could understand me. That what I needed to share was unspeakably inapt. I asked for help from other people and they did try to keep me grounded. Still, it wasn’t enough. Being a worry-wart did not help at all. Friends told me to relax, my love talked me into the true meaning of acceptance, and most importantly my family was there for support. Yet nothing marked that support as a great deal of importance until I heard it from the most significant person in my life, my mom.

She’s been there whenever I need her. I may not say it out loud too often but I love her so much. I know she’ll give everything she has, all the strength in her body, all the joys in her life, for anyone of her children. But I appreciate her so much because she’s been, and always will be, the “super-mom” to us. But she has no idea that every time she comforts me with her “ok ra na” remarks. It makes me jump for joy because I believe her with all my heart, every time she says it.

I’ve read somewhere, where a daughter took a stab at expressing her love for her mother. It said something like, “If I say it out loud, it will mean touching something so deep.” Sometimes I feel exactly the same way. But whenever my mom tells me that she loves me, I always murmur back to her, “love you too 'meh.” Then it doesn’t seem so hard after all.

aawwhh

2006-10-21T00:39:00.000-05:00

They look weird. They pee on carpet. One of them chewed on my sandals but we still don't know who did it. They're too noisy when they need to go out in the morning. And they make me wake up too early. They're spoiled as hell.

But we love em.

retro

2006-10-05T21:06:00.001-05:00

I’ve never realized the enormous amount of time I’ve spent outside the house lately. Not only have I done this because of work reasons but because of on-the-go family activities as well.

My cousins came to visit us last week. We’re practically brothers and sisters, so to speak. We grew up together and were raised with the same family values, by one big family for that matter. We’re close all throughout our lives. We even bathed together when we were still kids running around the neighborhood with just our underwear on. Everyday spent with them reminded me so much of our summers back home. They only used to visit us every summer or Christmas time for they lived in Iloilo with their dad. But every time they came to visit us in Dumaguete, our summers would be one of those irreplaceable summers in Canday-ong.

We would always wind up staying put because the whole compound was what we essentially call “home”. Why would we want to be anywhere else? There were so many things you could think of doing but we’d still get frustrated on what exactly to do. We would waste away summer days being restless until it was excruciatingly time for the first day of school again.

Three big houses, three huge families, a swarm of kids, plus a gang of dogs, this was our life. It was simple back then. Lazy weekend afternoons were spent lounging around the house, complaining of the scorching heat, and waiting for that perfect time of the afternoon when we could all go out and sit at the garage with a litro of Coke and a bowl of ice. Sometimes we would simply decide to have a game of patintero and have sweat drip from our heads to our toes. There were times when we’d have brownouts (our version of blackouts) for a whole Saturday or Sunday only to end up spending half of the day in the beach enjoying the breeze and scrumptious backyard food.

I miss those days.

Here, it’s a little different… just a little. We still run from one house to the next, and the next. There’s still three houses to get food from, four families to generate noise comparable to new years eve, 3 babies to taunt until they cry, 2 to 4 young adults with minds of seven year olds, 3 teenagers to give easy-to-do-but-too-lazy-to-actually-do-it-yourself orders, and 3 not so clean but cute dogs. When there’s nothing to do, the kids (including us) would end up watching TV or get food to go when there’s practically too much food at home. For no apparent occasion, we’d have a barbeque in a snap, right on the backyard of one of the family houses.

In Dumaguete, I remember how we used to go to taster’s delight for a quick snack. But now, the closest thing we go for is Starbucks or Wingstop. Instead of sitting around making fun of each other just like in Pinas, we go online using our personal notebooks and make fun of each other’s myspace or friendster profile. Instead of playing patintero we play Cranium or Playstation/Xbox (for the boys). After Sunday mass back then, we’d use to go straight to the beach to have a big scrumptious lunch and swim all day. Now, we go to that super delectable eat-all-you-can Chinese buffet. Then take note of this, after lunch the kids leave early only to go to Best Buy or go straight to the Mall while the adults go to some other department store like Bed, Bath and Beyond. I remember Cling would whip up something to munch on for afternoon snacks, like tempura or homemade french fries. But this time she cooks pochero. Otto prepares his yummy sinugbang bangus and Manong Fritz grills his chicken inato, city burger style. We’re all grown up now but we still have the same lively spirit we brought with us from home.

Different times, different strokes but same old same old.

The loud laughs are still there, food trips will never go away but it makes me miss the good old days when we were still in Canday-ong being one of the cowboys. Now, you can probably call us real cowboys since we’re all the way down here in Texas.

Look

2006-09-09T23:25:00.001-05:00

Oh, my confidant amongst other things. Now, I don't feel so weird and crazy anymore...

happy headache

2006-08-28T22:31:00.000-05:00

What would be a cure for an excruciating headache? Would it be a dose of medicine, a good night’s rest, one healthy diet of green leafy vegetables, or simply just some peace of mind? I’ve been thinking out loud too much these past few days that I’m pretty sure I’d be more worthy of the latter.

When I arrived at work today, people kept on telling me that I looked tired. It was really strange why they said that when last night I opted for nine to ten hours of sleep. Maybe I haven’t been used to long hours of sleep in a LONG time. I suddenly realized how every inch of my body screams for good old-fashioned rest. Thinking about the schedules I’ve been having for the whole month was too much for my aching head to handle. But I would still like to share with you the reasons of my being immensely preoccupied these days.

Plans. First of all, I’ve been turning my own world upside down for the sole purpose of running away from everything only to sneak into my happy place. To be with this one person who turned my world upside down and made it the happiest place to begin with was the only thought to focus on. Nothing else was worth all the planning and scheduling. So, here it is ladies and gentlemen, this is the face of a girl who booked her plane ticket home!

I know I deserve this. I’ve missed my friends too much, my doctor brother,my mama kiting, and the rest of the Canday-ong kids, our ever lovable takoy, the scrumptious food, our furry stinky puppies, the whole neighborhood, even the careless disregard for road safety and the absence of traffic lights and speed limits. But most especially, I miss being with my one and only chiopopo. Hehe.

Trips. Next reason, I was a part of another weekend road trip. I and sixteen other adventurous individuals went on a road trip to San Antonio, Texas. Most of us have already been there before but never had the chance to actually be there with a big group of loud friends. That was one tiring but extremely rare weekend. It was awesome, the food, the drinks, waiting in line for terror-in-less-than-a-minute rollercoaster rides, and the best part of all… impulsive shopping! That was one helluva weekend for everybody.

Family. My cousins and the family have moved right across our house and it has been two weeks of pure enjoyment. Nothing can compare to close family ties and great food. Haha. We’ve been having too many heavy lunches and barbeque dinners lately. And the sweet tooth cravings I share with my sixteen year old cousin are what I call unbearable pleasures. Goodbye diet! Hello to exercise, again! I cannot wait for the other members of the family to get here. That’s when I can justify the news I’ve spread that we’re seriously starting to build our own “barangay” here in the valley.

Work. Work has got me, and it has got me good. In order for me to be eligible for the awesome medical insurance at the bookstore (as if I really need it. But like what mom said “you’ll never know what will happen.” I so hate it when she’s right.), I have to average 20 working hours every week. Gawd, as if I’m not busy already. So, I’m starting to condition my body into working close to the said target. I’ll see if I can still come out of this alive. I’m kidding. We’ll just see if it really is worth all the trouble. I guess by the time I’ve reach the required amount of hours, I’d definitely be in dire need of the medical insurance. Harhar.. What’s that? You can’t believe this is me talking. Well, I do have a serious side sometimes. ;)

What I need most right now is a pill to take away the pain in my head. And after I swallow that little drug, I’ll be embracing the ultimate meaning of a night of sound sleep. Since I’ve got all of this out of my system, I think I’ve finally manage some peace of mind.

Next stop, slumberland…

Aha!

2006-08-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

I was browsing thru the piles of magazine subscription we have to Entertainment Weekly and i saw this on the June 23, 2006 issue. It was on the bottom of The Great American Pop Culture Quiz. And I couldn’t resist. To those of you who know me too well, ‘The Goonies’ is my all-time favorite adventure movie. My brothers and I, not to mention the whole swarm of neighborhood kids, used to watch this movie over and over until we broke the Betamax tape. Haha! Is there any surprise why I got all the answers right?

I haven’t posted any updates lately. I’ve been having lots of things cramped up in my head. Plans, reports, schedules and everything else that’s way too complicated for my immature soul. To top it all off, my laptop batteries’ are busted and I get too lazy to walk all the way to the study and use the desktop. But when I do get the chance to drag my butt out of my messy room instead of attacking my ever so comfy bed all night, I post this.

I’m not a total geek, am I?

The 26th of July

2006-07-26T22:32:00.001-05:00

Another year has passed. A lot has happened. A lot has been said. A lot has been shared between us. Yet one thing remains the same. It is the love I have in my heart. It is the love that will always be. This love I have for you will stay and will always be the reason for my strength. You will always be my answer to why I go on and face each day with a silly smile on my face.

Today has been full of gifts, surprises and overwhelming news. And I have you to thank for. I am exhausted but I go on with the excitement for the days to come. Thank you for every little bit of happiness I have felt for the past two years, yan.

Spending limited days with you will be full of indescribable bliss. Sharing countless hours with you through eternity will be beyond description. But I say yes, to every chance I can get. Because each day is a blessing, each year is a gift, and each time I get to tell you how much I love you is one I will not trade for anything in the world.

Happy Birthday to us, bey.

NYC 6200

2006-07-19T20:32:00.001-05:00

It was one of those mini reunions again.

As expected, we were as loud as always.

FUN FUN FUN and now I miss them like crazy.

Thank you so much you guys! We had a blast!

I'm too lazy to elaborate on every little detail. But the pictures will surely do the trick!

I want. I have. I can’t wait.

2006-06-28T23:35:00.001-05:00

I want to go on vacay again. I want to go back to my lovely island in the Philippines. I want to be with ian again and spend every waking hour laughing at each other’s corny jokes. I want to bask under the sun while sipping iced tea and laze around at the beach again. I want to spend my whole disposable income of a paycheck on reckless shopping and have no remorse whatsoever afterwards (Go, pril?). I want to loose pounds effortlessly within a week and wear those string bikinis on sale at Victoria’s secret. Also, I want to look like those twiggy models (like Densya). I want to be able to go backpacking in Europe (At least the boyfriend had the chance to go to NZ, close enough. And I’m so jealous.). I want to learn how to surf in Hawaii (Teach me, cecy!). If not, crossing the border and driving eight long hours to Cancun will do.

I’ve been to Dallas and back in one weekend (thanks to bizdak). I’ve seen Martin Nievera’s concert, for the second time. And I’ve been so thankful for the little something somethings my friends gave me. Most of all, for my baby poop who has sent cute little gestures of love all the way from the mainland. I love you baby! Thank you, thank you, thank yoooOOOO! As for my home life, we have a new puppy and he is the cutest thing except that he only poops on carpet. I know. It hurts us more than you think. But he’s the perfect match to our poodle sushi. Quite a pair, I may say… Maki and Sushi.

Next stop on my list, NYC! Weeeeee! I can't wait to visit you guys again. Cling, Otto & Tiw-tiw, be prepared... be very prepared! You too, Q. :P Brace yourselves, its going to be one loud weekend again. Miss yah!

baduy

2006-06-28T22:24:00.001-05:00

I did it again. I know I shouldn’t have but I did.

"The" Martin Nievera was here in McAllen. And we were there for the grand concert. While the show was still on, we had the courage to walk to the front of the stage and reach for his hand, not to mention for him to touch our faces while he sung for the crowd. Eeecck. Still, that wasn’t enough for us. After the concert we tried falling in line with everybody, also known as attempting to cut in line, to have a picture taken with him. We could have been mistaken for groupies or something. We were also too impatient to fall in line properly and too hungry to wait any longer. So, we decided to call it quits and left the place to grab a bite to eat with the rest of the group.

Minutes later when we were sitting comfortably in our table for five, the server approached us and asked if we wouldn’t mind moving to another table. He explained to us that he needed a table for seventeen people and that us moving would make it really easy for him to move the chairs around. We were cranky and hungry but happily agreed to give him a break since it was sort of a busy night.

To our surprise, people who looked very familiar started coming in the bar. We figured in perfect timing that those people were from the concert. After a while, Mr. Nievera’s band members started sitting right behind our table. We were so giddy to see the concert king that we kept peaking at the door every time someone walked in. We were DEFINITELY like groupies at this point. Then there he was, the concert king himself, wearing an oddly floral printed blue shirt with male versions of pointy toe shoes, and styled semi-blonde highlights, Mr. Martin Nievera. Are you sure this guy isn’t gay? I’m sure his stylist was. Anyway, we couldn’t resist ourselves. We wanted to take a picture with him once and for all. But my friends were too giggly and shy to approach him and ask. So, my “pagka baduy” kicked in and volunteered for everybody.

“Martin, do you mind if we take a picture with you?” There it was the long awaited question from the rest of the group.

“You know what? I would love that,” he said. He did a really weird way of staring in too closely when he said this.

So we took pictures with him and some of his cute band members. Still, that wasn’t enough for me. I did the unthinkable. I grabbed the paper plate which was torn into an accurate square by my friend Lloyd (because he said it wasn’t appropriate for a celebrity to sign a paper plate from a sports bar) and borrowed my friend’s pen. I approached the celebrity again and asked for his autograph.

“Too late? Why too late?” I asked like a clueless little girl as he scribbled on the piece of paper.

“Is my handwriting that bad?” He replied with a silly laugh.

Bothered

2006-06-18T10:35:00.001-05:00

“Is it true that men in the Philippines don’t work?”

“Where did you get that idea?” I asked curiously.

This question came from my friend Mag in between two caramel macchiattos last Saturday. I was a bit offended when I heard it but then again I made her explain how she got to that conclusion. And she did. Her brother once told her how Filipino men end up just sitting on their butts while their wives go out of the house and work all day. How they’d rather choose to stay at home and laze around or take care of the family like what housewives usually do.

Honestly, that’s how it is with most of the Filipino families here in the valley. Not that I’m being neither bias nor prejudice. But that’s just what I’ve been seeing most of the time. So, I explained to my friend how they have misinterpreted the situation.

It’s not that our men choose not to work. It’s because most of our countrymen (both men and women alike) study nursing in the Philippines and migrate here for work purposes. A good number of these hardworking female nurses have left their whole families behind only to earn income here and send it back home. In time, they’ll have the chance to petition their family to permanently stay with them here in so-called greener pastures. As they work and have the peace and presence of their whole family nearby, they continue on working hard for them. On the other hand, the pressures of society and the demands to look for other high-paying jobs have gotten the husbands easily discouraged especially when they can’t find a job of their specified field. They loose hope but then again they take care of their family in their own little way. They stay home and end up stereotyped as one of those BSN (bana sa Nurse; translation: Nurse’s stay-home husband), which is totally unfair.

I made it clear to Mag that it’s not always the case. I made clear how hard-working fathers and husbands have brought up good Filipino families not only in the Philippines but also all over the world. I was really bothered about what she said and even explained to her that my dad was a lawyer in the Philippines. How we were well provided for, loved unconditionally, taught to be well behaved (sometimes), brought up to be independent, professional, and very much ready to bring up a family of our own.

She asked, “So, it’s not mandatory that men in your country don’t work?”

“OF COURSE NOT. If that were the case, I wouldn’t want to marry a Filipino. I'd rather beat him up.”

The Crowd

2006-05-30T08:48:00.000-05:00

The café has this certain aura of letting all sorts of people feel comfortable. Not only does it offer cozy couches to relax on while you sip your hot coffee but you’ll actually feel like you belong to this eclectic group of individuals who just want to sit down and read a book at peace. I’d like to say that I’m getting quite fond of this crowd. I’ve always found myself very observant of the clique I’m with yet still maintain amiability. But sometimes I cannot help but see the little flaws of each customer who comes up to the counter and ask for their cup of joe, their doze of caffeine, their shot of espresso as they say. Modesty aside, I have a good hand at PR but working at the bookstore has definitely turned out to be a delightful challenge. The place attracts a fairly odd variety of readers, consumers who have slowly made their way to my world of thinking.

Have you ever just stood back and observed all kinds of people around you? Looking at men and women gawking at each other like they were from a whole different universe? Well, I have. And this is my story.

One unusual weekend, I worked for three days straight. I kept on looking at the people falling in line for 10 to 15 minutes, ordering their coffee, coming and going as they please, waiting until the barista does his usual practice of singing your overpriced orders to the heavens rather than serving you in a whisper. Out of nowhere, I thought to myself how wrong we were taught in grade school. Our teachers would tell us over and over again, “We are all created equal and that everyone is the same.” NOT.

Why didn't they just tell us right from the start that people are different from each other, that what others may be thinking may not be the same as what you have lurking in your head. That would really have helped us a lot in dealing with people nowadays. People we interact with. People we see everyday. Such as the usual customers we have at the café.

Here is Gringo, he’s the cool guy who always wears his classic Ray-Bans whenever he comes in the store, around his 50s, grey hair, and “puti”. He carries the exact change for his “One Gringo”, every time. Specs: One tall café Americano, a little water on top, NO LID. He’s the kind of guy you’d want to sit down and talk with, if you want to listen to his shabby portrayal of Eddie Murphy in Bowfinger, Robert De Niro in Analyze This/That, or even Steve Martin. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a funny guy and I can always pitch in to all the movie talk he shares with us baristas. But there’s just something about a white guy on his mid 50s trying to imitate Eddie Murphy. In my eyes, that’s just wrong.

Another usual is Mr. Navy, a very old guy, on his 80s maybe. Always wears his blue navy cap to the store, brings with him a magazine or a novel before he gets his regular frappuccino and sits down for an hour or so. Specs: grande coffee frappuccino, with whip. He gets surprised each time we finish making his drink. He lets out a big, “Oh is that mine? That was fast!” We continue keeping mum about making his order seconds before he gets to the counter, he’s a regular, he’s old, and takes ages before he finally gets to the counter. Of course he’d say we’re fast.

Next is Java Guy. The tall guy with the beard always has this big smile before ordering his favorite coffee. Specs: First it was a venti java chip with whip, then no whip, then grande java chip, then grande java chip LIGHT, no whip. I think he started to go on a diet after chugging one too many frappuccinos. His order really depends on his mood of the day. Diet? No Diet? Whip? No whip? I can’t really tell what he does because he always wears a dark blue shirt with patches like those guys at the hardware store. He might be a mechanic or a technician, I can’t really tell.

Miss Light. Mid 30s, big hair, red lipstick, and guessing by the non-existent fashion sense… single. She orders the light blended coffees and mixes it up by trying the new seasonal blends. I applaud her courage to experiment but she always ALWAYS gets the frappuccino light. Specs: Changes her order depending on the season, grande light frappuccino, no whip. She goes over her head whenever we make a mistake of putting whipped cream on her coffee. However, I envy her willpower to gulp down all those light frappuccinos and stay on her so-called big-bootie diet but, “Ma’am, it doesn’t matter if you get it light or not, whip or no whip. Coffee is still fattening without exercise.”

¾ Asian, ¼ I dunno. A very nice woman, with cute little almond eyes, and most of the time finds comfort in sipping her cappuccino alone; without the kids I mean. With the way she explains her drink, I can tell she’s very loving and meticulously patient. Specs: Tall cappuccino, ¾ shot of espresso, Decaf. She doesn’t want too much caffeine in her system. My question is, “Why ¾?” This woman always waits by the bar, looking closely over her drink to make sure we get it right. Each time, I always make it perfect. How can I make a mistake when she keeps on repeating her specs every time we take her order? Yet, nothing is more rewarding than the time she told the manager, “Oh, no worries. She knows how.”

One of our favorites is the hip whip dude. He looks like a trucker with his hat, white shirt tucked in his faded levi's, complete with leather belt and buckle. This guy reads the daily newspaper so intently as if checking his stocks on the business section. He’s a man who knows how a real woman takes her coffee. Specifically, how his wife takes hers. Specs: tall decaf coffee, room for cream and sugar. He takes his cup of coffee, dresses it up with cream and sugar at the condiment bar, comes back to the barista and asks for his crème de la crème… Whipped cream. Of course, we’ll fill his cup (take note: without the lid) with whip. He comes back minutes after, with his half-drank decaf coffee and whipped cream gone. He’ll politely ask us to whip it and fill the cup again with his favorite sugary friend. I keep on wondering if this guy has ever heard of the word “diabetes”.

The Soup Guy drops by the café on weeknights or stays the whole afternoon on weekends. He falls in line like the rest of the customers. When he gets to the counter, he deliberately slows down the line by asking too many questions. Asking, “What’s the soup of the day,” “What’s in it,” or “How is it better than the other soups?” We always have crackers and he knows that, but he still keeps on asking if we have it or not. He does it on purpose just to get on our nerves. He orders soup, then comes back and complains about it. He brings the empty bowl back to us and complains even more. Then he orders another one, finishing two bowls of soup all in all. This is a perfect example of what my co-workers call a regular asshole. Specs: None.

The Ungentle Man orders like a regular customer. He takes his coffee and reads his paper alone. Never says “please” or “thank you”. He’s always in a hurry and has no patience at all. When he needs something else from the café, he falls in line on the other end, nearest the counter. In other words, he cuts in line. When we tell him that the line starts at the opposite side, he gives us an annoying, “But I was here first.” Even if there are ladies present, he fights for “his” right. So, we courteously take his order and receive his payment. Then we apologize to the other customers for him after he turns his back and walks away.

Last but not the least, is the OC guy. The first ever customer who was rude to me. On my first week at the gig, he threw a fit at me by shaking his head and walking about 4 paces back and forth. When he doesn’t get what he wants, he yells and makes a scene. To top it all off, he’s obsessive compulsive. This guy is the perfect picture of a customer nightmare. He makes a big deal when you put two tea bags in his hot tea, which by the way is accurate for a venti. And he goes berserk at the little things. For example, he panics if you serve his venti decaf coffee first when his bagel is still on the grill. He wants you to pour the coffee right when the bagel is ready or when the grill timer goes “ding!” One time, he was informed that we ran out of multi-grain bagels. He went semi crazy and was shouting because he wanted to speak to a supervisor, even when the one already helping him was our café manager. And to think, caffeine in his system will only make him worse but he still wants it anyway. Specs: Daily visit to the shrink and no more caffeine.

The café has customers who come back more often than others do. These are the regular customers who we’d be more than happy to help. I should say we have two kinds of regular customers. Yet I’d like to point out that there’s actually a huge difference between the two. Let’s say there are those customers whom we call the USUALS, and there are those we call the USUAL FREAKS.

Three days of work and I’ve accumulated all these comments about individuals who not only visit the café regularly but who we also share the same breathing space with. Some of them harsh, some pleasant, and they’re definitely not the same as you and me. We’re all equal, I’ll agree with that. But everybody’s different from each other, unique even.

hissy fit

2006-05-24T23:50:00.000-05:00

Aaahhh phooweee! Yeah, you heard me.

Sometimes I just feel like “ggggrrrrr”, “aaahhhhh” and “shiyeeeeettt!”

When you ask someone for a favor and that someone from the very beginning says it’s totally OK, you’ll be thankful for the assurance that they'll take the extra mile for you. But at the last minute, all hell brakes loose. The unexpected takes place. You’ll hear crap from here and there. And the worst of all, they throw sh*t right at your face (figuratively speaking).

There isn’t really a choice when you’re in my shoes. When you're continents apart from your one true love. The last thing on my mind was to bother other people for favors but I did it anyway. So, I’m stuck in this tight spot, waiting. Waiting for things to go wrong? Or waiting for things to be all right in the end? I had no choice but to depend, no… HOPE for other people’s kindness. Sad to say, a person cannot depend on other people’s goodness all the time. I have learned that the hard way. But tell me this. Is there still such a thing as common courtesy these days? I mean, it pays to be polite but it hurts to be shouted at, even over the phone.

When someone you know, out of sheer thoughtfulness, does you a great favor. Then later on, that person complains about it out loud. Is it still an act of thoughtfulness and selflessness on their part? Or is it just what it obviously is, an act? Some say a person does favors only to be praised afterwards. They want to be showered with those “all hail” praises. Praises FOR the doer of the favor, FROM the beggar. The former gets flooded with comments like, “Oh you’re such a good person”, “you’re so kind”, “how can I ever repay you?” Is that the only reason for doing someone a favor? I choose not to believe that selfless acts are results of selfish reasons. I know in my heart that there are still noble people in this world who choose to stay real. That chivalry is not dead. Maybe a bit underrated but still very much alive. Not just for publicity sake but for true genuineness.

I want to believe in the goodness of people. I want them to be real as much as I want to stay real myself. I want to erase all the bad thoughts in my head. I want to do it now. I want to go back to my country and do what I have to do. I want to be with my love everyday. I want to stay true to myself. I tell you, when I want something done, I want to be the one to take action, to be assertive like crazy and get things done pronto. I want to do things I need to do without anyone’s help, without anyone’s concern, and if possible, without anyone knowing.

(Brace yourself, this is going to be confusing.) It’s about time I’ve realized this in all the 23 years of living in this earth. Now, all of this is just giving me a humungous headache. I need to talk to someone to make me feel a little better, I miss my special someone. I don’t understand why my hands feel so cold and clammy, I'm sick and I feel like throwing up. Maybe I’m just pissed off. Maybe I’m disappointed. Maybe I’m too uptight and moody. Maybe I’m just a mess. But maybe, just maybe, I like being what I simply am... a mess.

before

2006-05-18T00:06:00.000-05:00

When you are scared to death of the days to come, you do whatever it takes to hide from the world. Those days when you wake up and feel that nothing seems to be right. You try your hardest to stop any thing that tries to snap you back to reality. You avoid contact with anyone who reminds you of even the slightest glimpse of a wonderful memory. How can you love the mornings again when there is no reason for your lips to curl and form that sweet morning smile? No point to getting out of bed when the sole reason to face another day is gone. Finding your most favorite part of the day not even barely close to what you call normal... but simply missing.

Probably, there is no reason to be excited. It is better to stay put and not leave the room for nine days. Stepping out of the room will only worsen this awful feeling.

You don’t need to leave your room.
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
Don’t even listen, simply wait.
Don’t even wait.
Be quite still and solitary.
The world will freely offer itself to you.
To be unmasked, it has no choice.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.

- Franz Kafka

Help, this is slowly killing me.

2006-05-06T15:57:00.000-05:00

I am not the right person to say who deserved what and who doesn’t. I am only an onlooker in this world. A mere passerby who will smile back if you smile first, speak if spoken to and laugh when it’s appropriate. Yet as of this moment, I am deafened to all the mischief and have chosen not to be affected as much. There’s too much hatred in this world that I myself refuse to be another careless donor.

When a man loves a woman so much and when a woman loves that man in return, shouldn’t there be a point where they can deal with everything that needs to be dealt with? Or should they just give up and leave it all behind? How hateful the thoughts that springs in one’s heart after hearing what has happened. Yet it saddens anyone who recalls it in their minds.

He was a man who you would always associate with having a bright smile on his face and a soft chuckle. While the woman, on the other hand, had a soft smile and a bright giggle. They were both good people. But a man has his share of pride and jealousy. And a woman has her right to silence. They seemed to have happiness. The kind of happiness only they knew and understood. Their own little world held the weight of their woes and fears. For their world seemed to have everything all in place and will be all right in the end. They may have had their problems, problems that only they knew and understood. Those were THEIR problems. We were not a part of the world they had between them. Now, they are out of ours.

No one knows exactly why he did it or why they all did it but one thing’s for sure, it has happened. What is strange is that any one of us may remember what we have done in the past, but not always why we did it.

The Monitor - 1

The Monitor - 2

The Monitor - 3

mini reunion

2006-04-29T22:41:00.000-05:00

From Thursday to Saturday, they were here. My cousins and the whole family visited Texas and it was one of those fun filled family get-togethers again, Canday-ong style. Delicious dinners, bowling night, heavy midnight snacks, sweet-tooth cravings, coffee hangouts, pizza binge, late night ice cream session, beach outings, job hunting, house shopping and road trips were on the agenda. Wish they stayed longer. We cramped all the things we had to do in that long weekend, and it was all good.

Can’t wait for y’all to come back soon!

I already miss..

my roomies; ate cling and may-may.
pigging out and constantly complaining how fat we're all going to get after digestion. DIET!
bubu and his emotional tantrums before bedtime.
how the house gets so loud with all us kids around. langas gyud kaau!
staying up late at night watching claudine & raymart's bonggacious wedding on youtube (you know you put me up to this, cling).
sucking so bad at bowling that even the kids with safe gutters got higher scores than I did. And then beating everbody's score the next round. woohooo!
road trips to the beach, going there not to swim but to eat and eat. hehe.
last but not the least, bubu's non-stop talking streak. lupig ko dah.